Low

I'm feeling very low at the moment. It's now, unbelievably, a month since my husband left for the Gulf, and at this point I still have no idea when I'm going to be joining him. The reasons for this are complicated, and at this point are amassing into a huge dark cloud that I'm having trouble seeing through.

My husband's type-rating is extremely demanding, and he's getting hardly any time off. This means that all the admin that needs doing to sort out our life out there - and believe me, there is a lot of it - has to be squeezed into a very short period of time. For example, he's been trying to get an internet connection for a month now. Whenever he calls the company they insist they are coming round immediately, but never do. In order to buy a car, he needs to change his UK driving licence to a local one, and this involves a trip to an office on the other side of town, a long wait, and a mountain of forms. The positive news on the horizon though is that he has submitted my resident visa application, and this should be ready in two weeks. This means that I should be able to fly out any time after that.

Aside from this, I suspect strongly that I'm suffering from PMT. Whilst in normal circumstances I should be very pleased about this (as it suggests I have a cycle!) at the moment it's just yet another thing dragging me down. I feel hyper-emotional and irrational, and am very short tempered.

This morning we had a family crisis. My husband's sick aunt, who had been staying with me - and had begun to feel an awful lot better - suddenly couldn't get out of bed and started having heart palpitations. On the advice of the doctor, we called an ambulance. This coincided with my parents' return from holiday on an overnight flight - I had been intending to drive them home, two and a half hours away, because they hadn't had any sleep. We were then going to have a long-planned family weekend, as my sister is home with them, too. Instead, we all ended up in A&E, and mum and dad had to drive home alone without me a few hours later. I was so worried about them, as driving on the M25 after a night of no sleep is not a very safe thing to do!

Meanwhile, I'm about to visit my poor aunt in hospital, as she's been admitted to the cardiology ward. The doctors aren't sure how long they are going to keep her in for, and it's not nice being ill so far away from home. If she's kept in a few days, I see no option but to stay here as well, so I'm going to have to cancel my weekend with my parents.

This wouldn't be a big thing for me to deal with normally, but I feel such a cocktail of emotions at the moment: I feel so guilty for not being at home with my parents for the family weekend I'd promised (quite important, given that I'm about to move halfway across the world), so exhausted after the endless rounds of packing, sorting and chucking, and so very alone. My parents took our pet with them this morning, as they're going to be looking after him while we're living abroad, so now I am truly on my own in this house, which is dismantling around me every second. It's a profoundly depressing place to be.

Add that to not knowing when I'm going to be able to see my husband again, and you arrive somewhere near how I feel right at the moment. Just crap, really.