I got a long and pretty bitter comment the other day on this post. It was from a woman whose pilot husband had cheated on her, despite her conviction that he just wasn't that "type" of man. This lady seemed to think that I needed to learn from her experience.
Errr... Sorry, but no. As a pilot's wife, I am, by default, often challenged by doomsayers about the "girl in every port" stereotype. I rejected it a long time ago, because, quite simply, you just cannot tar one hugely diverse group of people with the same brush. As I mentioned in that post, if you are the sort who wants to cheat, then aviation is the business for you. It's very easy to get away with it if you want to - I know several women whose partners have strayed - but that doesn't mean that you will. I'm sick and tired of people lumping all pilots together and insisting they have the same characteristics and behavioural traits. They're individuals, people!! I really am sorry that your husband cheated on you, my dear, but he was YOUR husband, an individual in his own right, as we all are.
Enough of that, I think. Please feel free to contribute to those comments if you have something to say!
On other issues - my husband has only a week left in the UK before he heads out to the Gulf. I'm already anxious about him going. I'm rubbish without him, and I know I'm going to cry for Britain when he goes. Still, only one month more and I'll be out there too - and there's so much to do before I go. I'm going to try to keep busy so that the month goes quickly. I have lots of friends and family to catch up with, including my very elderly Grandma.
We're also going to find out shortly whether this round of Clomid worked. I'm not sure really - I just hope that, eventually, all the side effects are worth it!
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14 comments:
Thank you for addressing this. I HATE this stereotype. Especially because Taylor's my second husband, people have joked that I chose a pilot because I was trying to rack up my husband numbers. RACK UP? Seriously! He wasn't even a pilot when we got married.
Good luck with the Gulf move~!
AMEN!!!!
I think someone was just looking for a space to tell her own story and your blog happened to feel like the appropriate venue to her. Either that or she's really angry and hurt and just wants to make other people feel the same. I firmly believe that people will cheat no matter what their occupation and pilots don't cheat just because they are pilots. I would think that my househusband would have just as much opportunity since I'm away from the house all day...
well, first why does every one assume that if you are married to a pilot, they are cheating. I mean bankers, lawyers, doctors, and mail workers cheat too. If there gonna do it, it doesn't matter the career.
I get tired of the looks from other people when they find out what my husband does for a living.
My husband and I are very committed to each other, and it is his career that bonds us even stronger.
I am very sorry for anyone to go through a cheating spouse, it must be painful, but saying all pilots cheat is as ignorant as saying all lawyers are ambulance chasers!
I also find this stereotype almost insulting...not to be the bad guy, but my pilot husband was cheated on by his first wife, so i get really heated about all the pilot bashing! If someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat! I am happy that you addressed that because it is upsetting that the world is so convinced all pilots are cheaters!!!
Good luck on the move, i only have 3 weeks left until mine! :) So nervous!!!
Good luck with the clomid thing. Its a rough way of things. But it is worth it if it works!
I grinned when I saw this, because I wrote about the same subject last month. People do cheat on their marriages - wives too! - and I don't see any reasons why pilots would be particularly prone, certainly not compared to any other job where the couple spends a lot of time apart.
http://www.fearoflanding.com/misc/sex-and-the-long-haul-pilot/
Actually, ladies--I think you are a tad too positive about those pilots. While you all may be happily married (hurray!) and while I DON'T agree that "all pilots" cheat, MANY do (downplaying or ignoring that is just ridiculous; look around you). "Pilot" as a career has a propensity toward second marriages, boys with lots of toys, and geographic and emotional separation from their children. There are certainly other careers that have cheaters but VERY few careers that statistically justify that reputation. I went to an aviation university, passed aviation training, most of my friends are in aviation, married an aviation pilot--I know and live the personality (typically type A, very compartmentalized) HOWEVER, I was caught off-guard when mine cheated on me--and with the cliche flight attendant!!! Leave off, ladies--don't do the typical 'women harder on women than men' thing; just be grateful for what you have. Sounds like you all found the nuggets among the fool's gold.
I have to disagree with you there. If you read my post back you'll see that I didn't deny that many pilots cheat - as I said, it's the perfect job to do it in - but my quibble was with that whole steretype, which can be very damaging. I'm not suggesting ALL pilots are perfect husbands - I'm just arguing that SOME of them are!
How do you know your man doesn't cheat? I am not just picking on pilots but any man for that matter. Unless you are watching over him all the time you don't know what he's up to or is doing. Some men are extremely sneaky - e.g. 'turning down' (beautiful) women for show in front of others/making sure people know about it or telling you as cover for what they're doing, cheating with women who won't get them in a spot (hired sex workers, random/anonymous women), cheating once in a while, giving you gifts and raving about you/family so people will think look how much he adores them so he would never cheat and risk losing them. I've seen and know every trick in the book of cheaters.
I had a fling with a holiday driver. Turns out he had someone at home. Yes, men will cheat but those whose profession takes them on the road have it esp. good since there's a valid reason for them to be away. It's much harder, say, if you're a guy with a job which doesn't involve travel. The 'I'll be working late' excuse gets suspicious.
Remember - a man is only as faithful as his options.
Oh Lordy. Clearly you've been bitten a few times! You do come across as a man hater - "all men are the same, they're only as faithful as their options, yadda yadda yadda". LISTEN to yourself. Not only tarring all pilots with the same brush, but all men, too!
I know my husband doesn't cheat because we trust each other. And that's all there is to say about that.
Yes, I am cynical about men. I used to be the woman on the other side of things so I know how a lot of cheaters are and the cloak and dagger methods some of the more sneakier kind do. Some of these guys are so devious that they will do things like call you and have a lovey talk and tell you they are turning in for the night -but it's only so they can get the call out of the way and go have their fun.
I don't trust them; I know how they are when their SO is not around, when they think no one's looking. It's not uncommon that I was lied to by these men about their status, or was kept in the dark about it. Some just don't seem to care. The vast majority presented themselves as if they were single anyway. I sometimes think the women a guy cheats on his lady with, be it 'regular' girls or pros, sees the true face of these men; the mask comes off. Just keep your eyes open, maybe even hire a PI, because I don't think any woman wants to be one of the countless ones who we all know or have heard of who was utterly shocked her 'perfect' man has a secret, double life.
I know plenty of men who say the same thing about women. Let 'em out of your sight and they'll drop 'em for anyone!
I've met women like that and men too - it happens. But I'm not calling strangers unfaithful because of some people I once knew. It says a lot more about the crowd I hung out with than gender relations...
listen i am a married and fly for a living , i laugh at your comments , ive had no less than 6 affairs in the last 2 yrs , most of my working buddies have done the same , yes im leaving my wife for a stew ,
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