Tuesday, 13 January 2009

"All pilots cheat" and other, more important matters

I got a long and pretty bitter comment the other day on this post. It was from a woman whose pilot husband had cheated on her, despite her conviction that he just wasn't that "type" of man. This lady seemed to think that I needed to learn from her experience.

Errr... Sorry, but no. As a pilot's wife, I am, by default, often challenged by doomsayers about the "girl in every port" stereotype. I rejected it a long time ago, because, quite simply, you just cannot tar one hugely diverse group of people with the same brush. As I mentioned in that post, if you are the sort who wants to cheat, then aviation is the business for you. It's very easy to get away with it if you want to - I know several women whose partners have strayed - but that doesn't mean that you will. I'm sick and tired of people lumping all pilots together and insisting they have the same characteristics and behavioural traits. They're individuals, people!! I really am sorry that your husband cheated on you, my dear, but he was YOUR husband, an individual in his own right, as we all are.

Enough of that, I think. Please feel free to contribute to those comments if you have something to say!

On other issues - my husband has only a week left in the UK before he heads out to the Gulf. I'm already anxious about him going. I'm rubbish without him, and I know I'm going to cry for Britain when he goes. Still, only one month more and I'll be out there too - and there's so much to do before I go. I'm going to try to keep busy so that the month goes quickly. I have lots of friends and family to catch up with, including my very elderly Grandma.

We're also going to find out shortly whether this round of Clomid worked. I'm not sure really - I just hope that, eventually, all the side effects are worth it!

156 comments:

  1. Thank you for addressing this. I HATE this stereotype. Especially because Taylor's my second husband, people have joked that I chose a pilot because I was trying to rack up my husband numbers. RACK UP? Seriously! He wasn't even a pilot when we got married.

    Good luck with the Gulf move~!

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  2. I think someone was just looking for a space to tell her own story and your blog happened to feel like the appropriate venue to her. Either that or she's really angry and hurt and just wants to make other people feel the same. I firmly believe that people will cheat no matter what their occupation and pilots don't cheat just because they are pilots. I would think that my househusband would have just as much opportunity since I'm away from the house all day...

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  3. well, first why does every one assume that if you are married to a pilot, they are cheating. I mean bankers, lawyers, doctors, and mail workers cheat too. If there gonna do it, it doesn't matter the career.
    I get tired of the looks from other people when they find out what my husband does for a living.
    My husband and I are very committed to each other, and it is his career that bonds us even stronger.
    I am very sorry for anyone to go through a cheating spouse, it must be painful, but saying all pilots cheat is as ignorant as saying all lawyers are ambulance chasers!

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  4. I also find this stereotype almost insulting...not to be the bad guy, but my pilot husband was cheated on by his first wife, so i get really heated about all the pilot bashing! If someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat! I am happy that you addressed that because it is upsetting that the world is so convinced all pilots are cheaters!!!

    Good luck on the move, i only have 3 weeks left until mine! :) So nervous!!!

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  5. Good luck with the clomid thing. Its a rough way of things. But it is worth it if it works!

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  6. I grinned when I saw this, because I wrote about the same subject last month. People do cheat on their marriages - wives too! - and I don't see any reasons why pilots would be particularly prone, certainly not compared to any other job where the couple spends a lot of time apart.

    http://www.fearoflanding.com/misc/sex-and-the-long-haul-pilot/

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  7. Actually, ladies--I think you are a tad too positive about those pilots. While you all may be happily married (hurray!) and while I DON'T agree that "all pilots" cheat, MANY do (downplaying or ignoring that is just ridiculous; look around you). "Pilot" as a career has a propensity toward second marriages, boys with lots of toys, and geographic and emotional separation from their children. There are certainly other careers that have cheaters but VERY few careers that statistically justify that reputation. I went to an aviation university, passed aviation training, most of my friends are in aviation, married an aviation pilot--I know and live the personality (typically type A, very compartmentalized) HOWEVER, I was caught off-guard when mine cheated on me--and with the cliche flight attendant!!! Leave off, ladies--don't do the typical 'women harder on women than men' thing; just be grateful for what you have. Sounds like you all found the nuggets among the fool's gold.

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  8. I have to disagree with you there. If you read my post back you'll see that I didn't deny that many pilots cheat - as I said, it's the perfect job to do it in - but my quibble was with that whole steretype, which can be very damaging. I'm not suggesting ALL pilots are perfect husbands - I'm just arguing that SOME of them are!

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  9. How do you know your man doesn't cheat? I am not just picking on pilots but any man for that matter. Unless you are watching over him all the time you don't know what he's up to or is doing. Some men are extremely sneaky - e.g. 'turning down' (beautiful) women for show in front of others/making sure people know about it or telling you as cover for what they're doing, cheating with women who won't get them in a spot (hired sex workers, random/anonymous women), cheating once in a while, giving you gifts and raving about you/family so people will think look how much he adores them so he would never cheat and risk losing them. I've seen and know every trick in the book of cheaters.

    I had a fling with a holiday driver. Turns out he had someone at home. Yes, men will cheat but those whose profession takes them on the road have it esp. good since there's a valid reason for them to be away. It's much harder, say, if you're a guy with a job which doesn't involve travel. The 'I'll be working late' excuse gets suspicious.

    Remember - a man is only as faithful as his options.

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  10. Oh Lordy. Clearly you've been bitten a few times! You do come across as a man hater - "all men are the same, they're only as faithful as their options, yadda yadda yadda". LISTEN to yourself. Not only tarring all pilots with the same brush, but all men, too!

    I know my husband doesn't cheat because we trust each other. And that's all there is to say about that.

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  11. Yes, I am cynical about men. I used to be the woman on the other side of things so I know how a lot of cheaters are and the cloak and dagger methods some of the more sneakier kind do. Some of these guys are so devious that they will do things like call you and have a lovey talk and tell you they are turning in for the night -but it's only so they can get the call out of the way and go have their fun.

    I don't trust them; I know how they are when their SO is not around, when they think no one's looking. It's not uncommon that I was lied to by these men about their status, or was kept in the dark about it. Some just don't seem to care. The vast majority presented themselves as if they were single anyway. I sometimes think the women a guy cheats on his lady with, be it 'regular' girls or pros, sees the true face of these men; the mask comes off. Just keep your eyes open, maybe even hire a PI, because I don't think any woman wants to be one of the countless ones who we all know or have heard of who was utterly shocked her 'perfect' man has a secret, double life.

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  12. I know plenty of men who say the same thing about women. Let 'em out of your sight and they'll drop 'em for anyone!

    I've met women like that and men too - it happens. But I'm not calling strangers unfaithful because of some people I once knew. It says a lot more about the crowd I hung out with than gender relations...

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  13. listen i am a married and fly for a living , i laugh at your comments , ive had no less than 6 affairs in the last 2 yrs , most of my working buddies have done the same , yes im leaving my wife for a stew ,

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  14. Hi
    I'm married to a flight slut and she came clean and told me she went thru a two year phase where she did at least 1 new guy on every three day trip, plus hook ups that would stay in contact with her. Now she says she will never do it again, we are getting ready to have our silver,25 years I don't feel it, I feel sick about it.

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  15. I need some advice.Yesterday I was walking down the street and a man stopped me. He said that I was so atractive and if he didn't stop to talk to me he would regret it.-He turns out to be a pilot, a very cute one at that. I have never given out my number to man man on the street, nor have been approched by a man on the street who wasn't a creep, so this was new, very forward.-I told a couple friends and they right away expressed their concern because of him being a pilot. They said that lots and lots of them cheat, and him being so overly forward on the street may tell me that he does this stuff a lot. He seemed so nice, but now I'm paranoid.

    He gave me his card, then I looked him up on facebook and found him. He's 31, a year younger than me. We seem to have quite al ot in commom. But I did notice that he was a "fan" of this man who holds workshops that help men meet women. "how to meet a girl during the daytime", you know not in a bar or something similar. I found that to be odd. He hasn't even called me yet, but I have a strong feeling he will. I just feel really nervous about the whole thing. And having someone who is way more than available may be too much to deal with. What is your opinion?

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  16. Golly. Personally, I'd run a mile! This just sounds creepy. Of course, he *may* be genuine, but the whole "how to meet a girl in the daytime" thing sounds a bit desperate...

    Perhaps just agree to meet him for coffee if he calls? But proceed with caution!

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  17. Yes, so if anyone out there is single you should look at this idiots website.Jeremy Soul.

    http://www.lovesystems.com/team-bios/jeremy-soul

    I wrote the passsage above about how I met a seemingly nice pilot on the street the other day. After reading and watching all this I can see that this man I met was just giving me lines. What a jerk. I could only imagine how many woman he does this to, everywhere he flies!

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  18. Stay away from pilots girls!! I am a flight attendant and have been in the business for 13 years. I have seen what has been going on and out of the 100 pilots that work on my base I can count on one hand the guys that havn't cheated on their wives (or at least I don't have knowledge of it). On all the layovers we do I see it right in front of my eyes over and over again. And many don't even try to hide it. i haer them talking about it, even hitting on girls onboard in front of us. Some pilots will stand out in the galley checking out passengers on boarding and asking the cabin crew to bring them into the cockpit later if they spot a pretty one. And even though it happens that some have gotten together with cabin crew, most times they go out and find local girls in the country we are at the time. I know there are exceptions (like the 5 out 100)but it's a very small percentage. It's not only a profession. It's the general attitude within most airlines. It's not only pilots, male cabin crew are the same. It's a jargon in the cockpit where they seem to pep-talk each other to hook up with girls. Like I heard one day: A new captain did the mistake of mentioning his girlfriend while talking to one of the flight attendants when she entered the cockpit. Just after she left, the co-pilot told him "what are you stupid??" "don't mention your girlfriend/wife, do you know how easy it will be to get laid if you don't??"

    I never wanted to be involved with a pilot because of what i have seen. Sometimes the wives will come along on a trip and it's hard to look them in the eyes knowing that their husband was walking down the beach with a 22 yearold holding hands if front of everyone on a layover a month before.

    Eventually it happened to me. I fell in love with a pilot. I thought he was different. He hated it when his collegues did what they did to their families. He even said how he hates pilots and didn't want to mix with them. And then one day after 3 years together he fell for the temptation. And I felt so stupid for thinking he was different. Only advice I can give to anyone seeing an airline pilot is either STAY AWAY, or make sure you will never leave him with opportunities. Travel with him, don't let him be alone in a different country(happens a lot in the gulf...the wives leave during the hot summer months and the pilots...well i think you can guess)shorthaul is best, then he will come home after work. make sure you will have his schedule, don't trust him. Control things.Sounds terrible?? well, what can i say....

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    1. I love your honesty. I am married to a pilot and I think he is cheating on me. With more than one flight attendant too. I will never get the proof, will I?

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  19. I was cabin crew for 10 years. I married a Pilot and after 13 years we are divorcing. We have 2 fab kids who are devastated. I have my suspicions about what he got up to down route..but no proof. He is now with another woman..but not a flight attendant. This is his 2nd failed marriage. He used the whole "long haul pilot thing" as an excuse for some pretty bad behaviour-at home, and away.
    I agree that there are some very decent pilots out there, and I am by no means bitter and twisted-just unlucky.
    To be honest, it is a relief to be out of the misery. The kids and I treaded on egg shells when he came home.
    Incidently, out of all my cabin crew girlfriends, the ones who married pilots are all divorced, or getting divorced.
    What can I say?!!

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  20. I am a pilot,my girlfriend read this and now she is all paranoid and miserable,which makes me unhappy.
    There are good people in this world,they may not be many ,but there are.
    So I will tell you that.
    We all have limited time on this planet and if some of us chose to waste it by being bitter and spending even more of it by writing all about their misery, it is their choice and I can guarantee you that on their dead bed they will regret it.

    The clock is ticking.

    In life you MAKE A CHOICE to be happy or not,
    and remember it is YOUR CHOICE.
    YOU CHOOSE to be miserable or not.
    And one more thing ,when you are so negative about the world around,
    you have this energy around you that people on subconscious level feel and they distance themselves from you and that is how you will lose all your real friends and will never find another good partner!

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  21. Dear anonymous,

    Couldn't agree with you more. As you'll see from my original post (back 21 comments!) the whole point I was trying to make was that this is a ridiculous stereotype that is not at all helpful. Sure, pilots cheat (so do people from all walks of life!) but they're not hardwired to do it!

    It's simply a fact of life that people with a grudge will trawl the net trying to find somewhere to vent, and sometimes that place is here.

    I've actually had people trying to name and shame pilots and cabin crew who've cheated on them on here, and I have rejected the comments. Firstly of course because they could well be taken as libellous, and secondly because I believe there are always two sides to every story... And two wrongs just don't make a right.

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  22. I just got engaged to a pilot over valentines. I worked in the indus for 2 yrs. i saw what happens. And now when he goes on his trips I am nervous about what will happen. He always is looking at the flt crew's photos before he flys. Why?? I am trying to decide what I should do. He said he was involved with all that crap before me. But what happens when the "kid in the candy store goes back"? Is it in my head? How does one decide? It's not about trust. He is a good man. But it is what it is. Please someone comment..

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    1. did you get married? Anybody can cheat, i almost married a journalist who cheated on me and then cheated on his new girlfriend with other women including me - I just wanted to see what it felt like to be the other woman.

      The thing is, I'm dating an airline pilot now and if someone is going to cheat, they will cheat. I suspect my pilot does, but he cares very much for me and I for him and I don't put pressure on him. Monogomy is difficult, especially for men, and it is a gift that someone gives to their partner. I'll wait around and see if he gives me that gift one day. Believe me, i was never this relaxed before, but you can't force anyone to do anything and why would you want to. If you love him, then love him, warts and all.

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  23. Have 2 friends that are pilots and 1 flight attendant they all have told me that cheating is about 95% in the industry (both women and men). If you are within the 5%...good for you! It's kind of like rock stars - don't think for a minute the groupies aren't tempting.

    To the pilot above with the girlfriend who is paranoid - I like how you changed the topic from "pilots are cheaters" to "stop being negative"...LAUGHABLE! "There are good people in this world,they may not be many ,but there are". Sounds like an admission to me! After all, Mussolini made the trains run on time too but that didn't make him a good man.

    Flying high - Denial isn't just a river in Africa! It is not a ridiculous stereotype if most do it! "black people can sing" and "white men can't jump" are ridiculous stereotypes.

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  24. my friends wife got involve with a pilot and the 30 senior pilot was dumb enough to leave nude photos of himself on her phone , he got fired ,,,when he got home he had to tell his loving wife what had happened she kicked him out , hes screwed with no house and no job.sometimes the good guys win.....

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  25. i worked in hotel industry for 21 years never marry a flight attendant is what we say.their fun when your young but don't fall in love they all cheat every single one of them.

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  26. Been dating and now living with a pilot for 5 yrs. His first marriage failed because he cheated with FA's.. more than one. Being in the regular world.. not the airline world I was quite ignornant to the lifestyle until recently. Starting reading his work email because of suspicions... found emails to and from married FA's making arrangements to meet on layovers. He claims hanging out at bars with the crew is part of the lifestyle because there is nothing else to do...says he has always been faithful... Big red flags and thinking about leaving... looking for proof but airline merger changed his email and I can't access his new email... 5 yrs and plans to marry... thinking i should leave but want to know for sure first. If I do leave will never date a pilot again.

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  27. jump seat therapy means talk about sex life they cheat and talk and everyone knows who screwed her, husbands pick up their flight attendant wives at airport ha ha loser what a fool, at least half of older flight attendants are jaded bitter and a little depressed,we have normal jobs no matter what the job is, they can,t relate to rest of world,what,s the difference between rolls royce and flight attendant not everyone,s been inside a rolls royce ha ha old joke sad but true,stereotype is true with FA's,have fun and run don,t even look back, some are empty inside.

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  28. everyone screws the stews and their loving every minute of it, emails to and from married FA's making plans to meet on layovers,sounds harmless to me ha ha ha,hang out in bars and clubs party in hotel rooms because there is nothing else to do,wake up it's have fun a few drinks see the local sites,paris rome beaches all over the world, how romantic who want,s to be alone for that,go back home to dull grind of life,the lifestyle without sex, or the lifestyle with lot's of sex, many different partner,s no string,s sex, somebody's wife is getting laid tonight after the party while her husband take's care of the home front,

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    1. Sounds as if you're a "stew." However, it sounds as if you're alone too. Enjoy it until you become one of the old cynical flight attendants the pilots call air mattresses. Trust me--I've heard them talk numerous times about the old FAs. It's never good. Then the joke will be on you. You haven't realized it yet. No alimony, no house, no retirement, AND probably end up with an STD. What is your guy doing while you're gone? The good thing there are plenty of wonderful men who would rather have great sex with their wife rather than sleep with a "freebie" who anybody can have. A quality guy looks for a quality gal. Sounds like you're out of luck. Do any of your pilots ever marry you? Or want to have children with you? Again, you end up with nothing in the end. If the pilot cheats, at least his wife gets half their assets, alimony, half his retirement, half his social security...the list goes on and on. Then she finds a wonderful man who is great, but she still keeps all his toys and cash.

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  29. I think most pilots cheat. They have the environment to do it, most are men, and most men cheat. Very sad that these guys have no morals or backbone. It makes me sick.

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  30. To all pilots out there: Be the men you are supposed to be. If you are married, get divorced if you want to cheat and hurt your family. Don't be such a coward to cheat and not just fess up and end the marriage instead. You never should have gotten married if you were going to be such an idiot. Your job is to fly the plane, not land it and f _ _ _ around.
    Be professional, as people are watching you from the moment you get off that plane to next day when you board it again.
    What goes around, comes around...and I guarantee you that when you hurt your family, and your wife, it will come back to haunt you.

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  31. I was a flight attendant for almost 15 years. I married a pilot. We were married for 19 years. Yes there was cheating on both ends but that had nothing to do with what we did for a living!!! My Gosh, if we didn't both fly we would not have lasted 19 years. Airline life is a life style. I've always been around pilots. I started as a flight attendant when I was 21. I've been out of the airline industry a little after 9/11. I would not avoid marrying someone because he is a pilot. In fact my boyfriend now is a pilot that I worked with 22 years ago. Don't listen to the bitter women posting... There are some great guys out there that happen to fly airplanes for a living. Bottom line is it doesn't matter what your huband does for a living, if you don't take care of your man he will stray.. That goes BOTH ways ladies.

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  32. they start the job in their 20's party with the guys they work with, then eat dinner for the next 30 years with men who picture them naked at 25,she was hot then now a stretched out used up air mattress, no man wants the pilots leftovers,their passed around to much when their young and see these guys the rest of their lives,no thanks your not good enough to marry not even close, plus they cheat.

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  33. flight attendants are easy and fun, most married one's cheat that's what makes them easy and fun,why blame the pilots screwing the stews is the best part of the job,

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  34. I am a wife of a pilot. I am suspecting that he is doing smth bad whileon the road. But how in the world can I find out, when he overnights in a different city everynight?

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  35. Had affair with FA for 16 months. It turned out badly for me. Guess she could not give up the over nites with others. I got divorced and she did not leave her husband. Thanks AA.

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  36. Okay ladies, I am married to a pilot we have been together 19 years. I dont know if he cheated or cheats on me and frankly I really dont care. Just bring home the paycheck honey. He is my 3rd husband. 1st husband loser cheated on me. 2nd husband Pharmacist cheated on me left me with 2 little girls to raise alone. Now I think as long as I dont know who cares just bring home the paycheck when hes gone I have a blast spending the money and traveling. I love him and he loves me. If I caught him I would cut his balls off but until then why worry.

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    1. I totally agree, I love my airline pilot, he gets me, he's nice to me, really nice and that's a whole lot better than the journalist playboy that I was with for 7 years. what a waste that was. My pilot probably does cheat, but he's a better man than the other, no contest.

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  37. who's kidding themselves about the easy sky sluts, what happens on the road stays on the road, no one ever looks back on life and wishes they had less sex, travel,party,hook up,no one ever finds out most of the time,95% cheat might be a little high but not to high a number,don't marry a used air mattress and you will have good time's to remember and no regret's,don't fall in love i almost did and it turned out she taught me how to pick up other FA's that worked out great,don't get fooled I came close,she will be all nice and great girlfriend then behind your back laugh with her friends about cheating,you will meat the guy's from work she cheated with too,that really sucks, get over that as fast as you can and use what she teaches you about FA world to screw many many more stews, in time you will be glad you did.P.S. DO NOT be angry when you start having casual sex with other stews like it's payback time for all the cheating,the other stews or any women for that matter will pick up on that! and you will end up with very little if any easy FA sex, FA world is small everyone talks get over anger and be relaxed and super cool about past " hey it just didn't work out the good times far out weigh the bad times" laugh and enjoy.life gets better a lot better,why let the pilots have all the fun.

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  38. FA's cheat like crazy and never care or get caught,
    I worked at hotel where flight crews stayed and loved my job, best thing about FA's is easy sex.

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  39. After 30 years he files for divorce. We do have irreconcilble differences! as he wants to continue his many year relationship with a flight attendant and I want a husband who is monogamous.
    The local therapists in this airline pilot saturated town told both of us the same thing. Type A personalities in the cockpit, they hit a certain age and stage in their career: Capt on international plane and there is nothing left to strive for!
    Now comes the single but older FA, she has no kids was dedicated to her career and enjoyed it. But who wants to grow old alone? She is preditory and he enjoys the attention - it feeds his ego.

    Delta pays the hotel bills and they get to romance each other in a lovely foreign cities. It is the stuff of fantasies!

    I was in a state of shock! How did this happen to the life I worked so hard to build? Therapy has helped me discover I was in love with someone who did not exist- an honest man with integrity! It will take a while to recover but I have so many supportive friends and family.

    Now I have flight attendants giving advice I should have heard years ago:
    Spouses should show up during a layover at least once per year- as a surprise.
    The routes with the longest layovers in time zones close to their body clock time zones are rampant with adultry. If he bidding those routes (South America is prime example)he is probably cheating or he just enjoys layover with lots of crews that do!

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    1. Ex Delta wife and ex Delta girlfriend12 March 2012 01:06

      My guess is you live in Peachtree City, Georgia. A suburb with many pilots. I was married to a pilot for 22 years who was crazy about me, until he hit a midlife crisis and was distracted by FAs. He lived a double life. Later dated another Delta international pilot. Worse than my husband. While on a trip together in Rome, another pilot warned me that "most" of the pilots were not good guys. He said maybe 5 out of 100. While in Rome another time, a FA in the crew approached me and let me know my bf his on his game on the road. Of course, my bf denied it and said I was crazy and lying. Sounds like my ex. Know a FA and says there's a ton of cheating.

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  40. My daughter age 30 single mom and living at my home working on her masters degree in phychology just met a Pilot/Captain thru a mutual male friend..I am worried about the "girlfriend in every port thing" so I decided to start looking on internet about Pilot lifestyles.. I am so glad to stumble across this site and printed out a copy for my daughter to read. Thank all of you for your honest input. Of course kids dont always listen to the advise of their parents!

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  41. I am currently dating a pilot and I am so glad I have come across this blog! Also this post is amazing and all of you who have replied because I was becoming worried about the whole cheating thing and what others have told me! but to hear from other pilot wives and girlfriends saying that this is not always true is so reassuring because I know my boyfriend would not do that but when you keep constantly hearing it.. it makes you doubt yourself and your trust. So thank you for posting this!

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  42. I MUST BE THE BIGGEST FOOL IN THE WORLD FOR GIVING MY PILOT BOYFRIEND THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT ON SO MANY OCCASIONS THAT HAVE COME UP IN THE PAST 3 YEARS...IF IT WERE ME, I WOULDN'T CHEAT BECAUSE I TRULY LOVE HIM, BUT HE LOVES ONLY HIMSELF AND WILL PLEASE HIMSELF AT THE EXPENSE OF EVERYONE ELSE IN HIS LIFE...EVEN THOSE WHO LOVE HIM THE MOST...HIS FAMILY. I HAVE SEEN COUNTLESS EXPLICIT E MAILS BETWEEN HE AND OTHER WOMEN...THANKS TO EVERYONE HERE FOR EXPOSING MY DENIAL...FOR THE LAST TIME...I SUFFER

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  43. google do flight attendants cheat.They all do or they have,they love to go to the bar and then go up to their room on layover's,on international flights that's all they do and come home and act like nothing happened. exact words from a guy that had his share of flight attendants and wished he never married one. the pilots and straight male flight attendants put in zero work why would any man with any women smart's wine and dine a flight attendant.

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  44. I am marrying thee most charming NetJet's pilot you ever laid eyes or ears on. We talk about everything including all the " stuff" posted here. Pilots do cheat but as far as he and i can figure out it has to do with boring wives at hm. SO, i am offering this . Lady's with Fly boy's, Bump up your game !!!! Party like a rockstar with "your's" make him so tired from late nights of you reminding him why he put a ring on YOUR finger.. that when he's on the road all he can do is fly and return to the hotel only to become a slam clicker. When your fly boy still manages to go out with his crew....(BLA BLA BLA fa whores)as we joke of them. Manage it so you've had sleep and are all glowey when he gets hm.(put togeather) Pilots love it when you PAT THEM ON THE HEAD SO TO SPEAK....Try praising them even when your disappointed about (fill in the blank).MEN, AND FOR SURE PIOLts ARE SUCKERS FOR THIS. Makes you mysterious .I will tell you guys ALL I FIND OUT ABOUT THE FLY BOYS AT THE TOP OF THE CHAIn.Silly FA'S....

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    1. Ex Delta wife and ex Delta girlfriend12 March 2012 01:15

      Shows you how little you understand the reality of the lifestyle. Good luck. Have you thought maybe it's the pilots who treat their wives like XXXX when they get home. They can be the life of the party on the road, but at home they are a completely different person. Great sex isn't the only thing. They like an easy conquest away from home. I've been on trips with my Delta pilot bf and seen sooo much drinking, hanging on each other (pilots and FAs), the drinking and partying is worse than I would've thought, and married pilots bringing their girlfriend (FA) on trips. Maybe the pilots are not that fun to be around when they get home! I speak from experience. You can have the greatest sex, but that doesn't stop their cheating. Again, its about the conquest and game of it. Oh, my ex was boring in bed.

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  45. Hello All - I have to add that I have been married to a pilot for 14 years, and suspected cheating for years - before we had kids I caught him and was stupid and took him back - we went to counseling, blah blah - things seemed great for a few years, and we had kids - but then the suspicious behavior started again. Two months ago he decided it was finally time to leave me for another woman that lives in the city where he is based (he commutes home). It turns out he had women in every city where he was based over the last 8 years (three different bases), plus two flight attendants that would meet up with him when they can. We had a good marriage when he was home and he even says how much he loved being home and being with me and our kids. All lies....he totally lived two separate lives. I hesitate to say all pilots cheat, but I will say that I feel a vast majority of them do. Of his crash pad buddies (7 total), 4 are actively cheating on their wives. Very sad. I am still struggling with his a great deal, yet relieved it finally happened and I can move on with my life. thank goodness I have my won career and can make it fine on my own.

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  46. yep - they do cheat! Husband has been offered a jon in Middle east and I am refusing to go as it will be long haul. He parties on short haul when he has had nightstops so god knows what he will do with long haul. Married fr 14 years and he has always had an eye for the ladies. Saw photos of nightstop and didn't like what I saw. Hotel room party that got out of hand. I have no trust now and we would never survive this new move!!!! I was very naughty for snooping on facebook but I had to know! Does this sort of behaviour go with the territory?? why do they have to do it????

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  47. let some women out of your sight they'll drop ,em for anyone. What happen,s on the road stays on the road.To much opportunity to pass up the good times with men from work. F/A drink like fish,spend a lot of time in bars with men from work.not enough attention from husband at home,good friend or new friend from work gives her attention and two vodkas two dances he can have her that night.She,s cheated before and not gotten caught how will her husband ever know.lot.s of ex boyfriends and their buddies to hook up with. It,s the lifestyle and cheating goes with the territory, Now she,s old.

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  48. Been married to an International Pilot for 3 and half years and have filed for divorce.Always had a nagging feeling he cheated. No way for me to find out in other countries.Even showing up once in awhile without him expecting would not prove anything. Plus not really a practical thing to do when your talking Japan and a 13 or 14 hour flight to a country I have never been.
    But when he was home he had large periods of time that were unaccounted for and he was very defensive to questions. Finally I had enough. I knew he would never admit the truth even if I caught him in something so I brought in a private investigator. First time he was followed the truth came out. Then subsequent times proved the same. Strip Clubs, Porn shops, and hotels was how he filled up his days at home. If he was doing that here I can just imagine what is happening overseas where he can get away with things so much easier. I don't believe in labeling everyone in any particular occupation but I do believe pilots would have a much higher incidence of cheating than others just because of the opportunies.

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  49. As a pilot, I have known plenty of colleagues (married and not) who have given in to the ease with which they can cheat.
    Personally, the temptation is easy to overcome when you just look at the facts.
    These women want us for the title, for the status "pilot". My wife wanted me back when I was a nerdy lonely boy in flight training. I have a beautiful and special woman who desires and loves me for myself. Yes, we share common interests and she supports me through my profession but I know that she would be mine were I the president, a teacher or a janitor.
    When I see these desperate girls at port all I can think of is how sad it is that they do not have the close relationships that I was lucky enough to find at their age.

    (And from the man-to-man perspective, the instant-gratification of easy sex isn't worth it either. I promise, when my wife and I see each other after a long period of separation, the sex is amazing)

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    1. Thank Your for posting something positive. I just started dating a pilot and after reading all these comments I was starting to feel I just better "run"

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    2. You are probably an angel in this flying industry.

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  50. I wouldn't marry a f/a if you held a gun on me.

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    1. Ditto on the pilots! Especially when they are screwing hookers in Central and south America !

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  51. My boyfriend is a pilot, and reading most of the comments made me feel quite upset, so I decided to look through the things he's given me, and I know for a fact he wouldn't cheat on me, since he's always treated me like a princess, plus he hates cheaters. I was stupid to think he would just because what a few people who don't know him had to say.
    I think the woman who said all about their husbands cheating are picking the wrong men, or they don't have quite a fantastic connection with them.

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  52. My wife dated a pilot for many years before we got married. He still calls her 5 years into our marriage (they broke up three years before my wife and I even started dating, which was three years before we got married) because he honestly does not think that cheating is wrong. It is the lifestyle that most (not all) pilots have, which is the reason for this. The idea of being as free as a bird when in a airplane they also use to justify getting another life in another city. One that only he will know about.

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  53. lol. this makes me laugh. my husband is a pilot. not for the airlines but for a private charter company. so i do have the peace of mind knowing he has no flight attendants or actually any female copilots. i dont think its a "pilot" thing. I think its dependent on the type of man. If these men cheat, they will cheat in any career. I know pilots (airline and not) who have cheated, but I know far more who have not and who have no desire to. Its about respect for their spouses and not putting themselves in that situation. When my husband is on a trip, he behaves like a responsible adult. He does not go out all hours of the night, does not get drunk and behaves like a married man should.

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  54. i will tell you that I am a pilot and most of them cheat if they can but so do most flight attendants that are married. Both have a choice to do layovers or not. if your spouse, whether a pilot or a flight attendant wants to do layovers, they are hoping to find something on the side. if they do turns, they don't cheap. End of discussion.

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  55. My boyfriend is a pilot thought we had a wonderful relationship moving toward marriage Just found out he is married. I'm heartbroken someone I trusted could lie so well. He says his wife is very sick and it would kill her to find out. It almost killed me at least my spirit. I want to tell his wife now I found the truth but I am moving on and not sure if I want to be part of hurting her also. I never would have dated him if I knew he was married. It was over 3 yrs of my life stolen.
    Should I let her know should I believe the sick wife story?

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    1. Ex Delta wife and ex Delta girlfriend12 March 2012 01:20

      She deserves to know the truth and make her decision for herself.

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  56. yes yes yes tell her. hes lying to you again.And your probably not the only one hes doing, been their , done that.

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  57. Yes, well, lets see.......I was involved with a married pilot for years. Men who are pilots like the fact they can be away. They don't want to be home 24/7. If they did, they'd have another job. Pilots can't commit. During the relationship I was his 'soul mate" and the one he supposedly wanted to spend his life with...blah, blah, blah. All the while he was cheating with many women and I am sure they all got the same song and dance. I feel horribly for his wife. He really conned us both with his multiple lives, but she doesn't even know. Believe me, I was convinced he wasn't seeing anyone else. He was very convincing and I never doubted him until I opened my eyes. I don't get the post about the status of a pilot......what status? You fly a plane. Big deal. I save people's lives, so? Pilots make shit for money so there is no status symbol there. Pilots think are way bigger than they are and have an unrealistic sense of entitlement. I wonder how many have narcissistic personality disorder? THAT would be an interesting study......

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    1. Ex Delta wife and ex Delta girlfriend12 March 2012 01:24

      Did you know he was married when you dated him? If he cheats with you, why don't you think he'll cheat on you? Yes, they can be very convincing. I'm getting my masters in psychology and they talked about pilots having a personality type and it's not good. Of course, not all, but most.

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    2. Can you tell me in detail what personality type pilots have? I'm a pilots wife and have been in the above situation.

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  58. and Sarah....you are in la la land

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  59. http://www.usatoday.com/travel/news/2007-04-19-air-fidelity-usat_N.htm

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  60. Met a group of pilots in Key West. All of them married and were in their late 30s to late 40s. They circled like sharks. They all openly admitted they were looking to get laid that weekend. These guys were not about just looking at the menu, they were ordering off of it left and right! They were grinding on the dance floor, buying women drinks, and leaving the bar with women while their pilot buddies cheered them on. One of the pilots in the group actually tracked me down almost a year later by my first name and place of employment. Sent me an email that it was a long shot that it could be me. He was letting me know he was in town and wanted to know if I wanted to have dinner or "something". He even included a picture of himself to jog my memory. I declined the offer and wrote that I didn't think his wife would approve. His response, "you're probably right". He followed up with a text asking if he could call me later that evening. I didn't respond and he called anyway. I didn't answer. Bottom line, pilots cheat on their wives/girlfriends.

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  61. To Anonymous on June 10th: As a wife of a pilot, or for that matter, a wife period, shame on you for even being with a married man. Even if she did not know, that is not the point. You are disgusting to even think it is ok to be with a married man just because he makes a bunch of stupid promises to you. That was very selfish of you, AND him to carry on the affair at all. Just becuase you know pilots cheat, does not give you the right to contribute to the problem these men like to ensue in. Shame on you!!

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  62. Sorry, my recent comment to anonymous was meant for anonymous on June 13th, NOT 10th.

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  63. if u marry a f/ a you made your bed now lie in it they are all used air matresse,s sky sluts

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  64. From my own personal experience as a child of a pilot I would never date one myself. My father cheated on my mother and it not only hurt her but his two daughters as well. Those scars don't heal even though time passes.

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  65. Swa pilot ,,, need i say more.....wake up ladies , theres one of us whom thought her husband didnt cheat but now she and the whole knows he does.... yes im divorced and took all his money and home, and now i have a real man,,,,

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    1. Yes my SWA pilot cheated on me too...totally blindsided me saying he was leaving. Never would admit to the F/A whore but I found evidence. I was so stupid I guess to never think it would happen....he has ruined my life and I don't feel like I will ever be happy again.

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    2. SWA FO/Capt; wondering about my Capt husband who rather spend time with his parent,siblings & golf than me every week he is home for a big whopping 2 days! Hes always exhausted but has enough strength to go see his family or fall alseep infront of the golf channel.

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    3. how did you find out about the f/a? my husbands base is a 3 hr commute away from where we live.

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    4. ive heard some SWA bases are worse than others-they all say they're heading to the hotel gym, will shower then meet other crews in the lounge for dinner & then get back to the room to iron their uniform and prepare for early am shuttle. Can we help fellow wives by pointers on what to do, what your attorney needs, (especially in those marriages of over 20 years), to further NOT be taken advantage of to receive a decent settlement?

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    5. I felt like that too, I was with a well known journalist for 7 years who cheated on me, I was so angry with myself for being such a fool, for wasting my life. My pilot boyfriend, probably cheats, but the other guy was training for me..... at least the pilot treats me like gold, and I don't feel like I'm wasting my life.

      Bottom line, believe it, you will be happy again, I never imagined that i could be again .... but I am. Take good care of yourself, take up running or exercise, dancing. Learn something new, engage life. Look forward ... not back ward and get strong.

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    6. SWA pilot wife (20 years). Yes he cheated... Twice that he confessed too then took it back... "Were they married?" .... "Of course, the single ones could find your number and call your wife...". Oh my... Can't believe I tried to reconcile! Love to chat about the big D. How? He already trying to reduce hours...

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  66. flight attendants are who they cheat with wake up guys,never marry a sky slut to many guys from work will screw her on layovers before during and after you marry her.They drink and screw the men from work their whole carrears.

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  67. I've been married to an airline pilot for over 20 years. He will soon be served divorce papers.

    When I first learned he wanted to leave the military for an airline career I have to be honest, my stomach lurched. I knew there would be easy opportunity for him to cheat and as a newly married woman I was a little nervous. Everyone knows the stereotypes. But, I also knew that cheating was a choice and that anyone, man or woman, could cheat on a spouse if they so desired.

    After a few jealous episodes of hearing about dinners in exotic places with the flight crew, I knew I had to make a decision. I could either trust him completely or continue to be unsure and nervous. I'm not talking about fits of jealousy, but normal amounts of anxiety about hearing the words pilots, flight attendants, dinner, and sight seeing used together. I think any pilot's wife knows what I mean and what I am talking about. I made the decision to trust my husband 100%.


    Fast forward 20+ years, and as you can guess at what I am about to say, our marriage is about to end. He only admits to one affair, an affair that has been going on several years with a flight attendant. However, the stack of lies I have uncovered have made his entire house of cards fall. I do not, and cannot, believe anything he tells me now. I suspect this is not the first and only episode of cheating.

    The circumstances present in the airline industry made it very easy for him to hide things from me. And, as I mentioned, I made the decision to trust him and never made it a habit to question or look for signs of unfaithfulness. I can't begin to express the devastation and betrayal I felt upon finding out about his behavior.

    It's absolutely incredible really. He stands to lose everything, and I am not talking about money. I am a professional and can take care of myself. He will lose his very admired and prominent status in our community, the love of his wife, the idolization of his children. He had it all, a perfectly appearing family life and a career that made others look at him in awe. Unfortunately, all of this fed his ego and the opportunities presented in his career fed and fullfilled his desires.

    I have tried for over a year to move forward and to try and save our marriage. But the extent of the lies have been too damaging and the trust I gave him cannot ever be brought back.

    I can only hope we make it through what will be a very traumatic and trying time for both us and our 2 children.

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    1. I feel your pain...same thing happened. My boys (14 and 18) don't have much to do with him at this point (he left 2 years ago). I think he has ruined that relationship so hopefully the regret at that will eat at him forever. I'm still having a very hard time. So many ruined lives.

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    2. This is my future you guys are talking about. I regret each day marrying this man.

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  68. he didnt lose anything he had all the fun, you stayed at home, you should of became a f/a and had a lot of sex too. see the world, party, sex with lots of women, he will never regret all the fun.drunk party girl f/a lifestyle is part of job, wife or husband at home is other life, sex with younger woman than wife at home her husband never finds out.

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    1. Ex Delta wife and ex Delta girlfriend12 March 2012 01:44

      My pilot husband lost me. I don't mind saying that I'm pretty hot myself and have had numerous men interested in me both during our marriage and afterwards. I never cheated, but he led a double life. I've seen numerous FA's and let me tell you, very few are as attractive and fun loving (in bed and out) as I am. My husband lost "a lot." Oh, yes, he told me he regretted it. He also said, "I HAD a beautiful wife." Too late for me with the lies. It'll be interesting to see where all the old drunk pilots and drunk FA's end up. If that's your version of living, you can have it. Hmmm....I've seen it personally firsthand. Let's see--getting drunk, screwing random people (STDs), ending up alone in the end, depressed, and half your money left after the divorce. Pilots have a good job, but many other professions make more money--dr, lawyers, ceo, etc. I was proud of my husband. Knew him when he was just starting out in the military and had nothing. I have many offers still. However, I think a man that has integrity, adventurous, and great sex can all go together just not typically with a pilot. Oh, I've dated another pilot since then. Most of you are cut from the same pattern--both pilots and FA's have approached me so I know what I'm talking about. Not ALL, but most are the same. Enjoy yourself while you can because it won't last. Then where will you be as an old man. And, yes, I've heard you pilots talk trash about the old used FAs, but you pilots grow old, bald, fat, boring, and drunk--not attractive. Yes, I guess that's your idea of fun. Enjoy.

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    2. An FA is a waitress--pilots call air mattress. FAs should hear how pilots talk about them behind their backs especially as they start getting used and old. They make jokes about FAs. They use them and typically won't marry them. Why marry some one whose been used by anyone and everyone. Not exactly marriage material. I've seen lots of FAs, and I've seen gorgeous pilot's wives who FAs cannot compete with. Happy not to be an FA. I am highly educated and would be bored silly being an FA. I travel the world without having to prostitute myself. If that's what you call living, it is just sad. Wait until a couple more years and see where you end up.

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  69. To the anonymous poster above on 17 July 2011...I wrote the post on 16 July 2011. No thank you about becoming a flight attendant. I'm a bit above being a waitress in the sky.

    The point to my post was that eventhough you may have a perfectly appearing husband at home anyone can be fooled. My husband was kind, helpful, and adoring. If you think your spouse would never stray because you have a relationship based on love, honesty and trust, think again.

    He did have everything and now I hope he will find what he is looking for. He will have to find it without the facade of being the perfect gentleman and family man. Unfortunately he is getting older and the young 20/30/40 year old women will keep their distance. He will be broke, fat, and old...and, most importantly, he will always be a liar. I hope he thinks it was worth it.

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  70. To Anonymous on July 18th: I worry about being in your position...I don't trust my husband and I truly do think my marriage is ending because ever since he left the military, he changed and is not who he used to be. Not only will your husband be broke, fat, old and still a liar, he will be LONELY. I haven't reached the point yet of leaving, but I am sure it will happen.

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  71. Oh, and to the anonymous on July 17th: You're an idiot. He did lose a lot, he lost many days, weeks, and months of time with his kids while their mother was at home seeing them grow up. He lost stability of a loving family and he NEVER had true appreciation from family and friends because in the end, he was a fake. You must be a pilot to write and speak the way you do, or you are one in the industry who contributes to homewrecking. You know what? You don't have anything by what you say.

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  72. To Anonymous on 19 July 2011: I agree with you about what he lost. He did lose many days, weeks, and months of time with his kids. But you know what? We always supported and understood his absence. I was always the one to defend his absence and the first to say how proud of him I was. To this day it impresses me that he is an airline pilot. I could never do what he does.

    I am neither a pilot nor a flight attendant. I am not a stay at home mother either. I always maintained my own career, so I hope you can understand my disappointment. I worked full time, managed a home, managed day to day with the kids, went to school full time to gain 2 advanced degrees, retired from the military with a very high rank, and started a small business with my husband as well. We did everything together.

    Contrary to what you think, I do have a lot to say. For all that we've been through together, and I thought we had a pretty good 20+ years, we didn't fall to pieces since the affair and lies have been uncovered. We both worked very hard together to build what I thought was a good and sound life. And we both have worked hard at trying to repair our relationship.

    But sometimes the hurt and betrayal runs too deeps. Sometimes the trust can never be brought back. He got to see the world and experience things many people do not ever get the chance to do, all with the support of his family and friends. He got to live the life of a bachelor, having the thrill of new relationships and sex. Forgive me if I sound bitter but I got the financial misery of a bankruptcy, the burden of telling our children and friends, who will be utterly shocked, about our divorce, and last but not least, a sexually transmitted disease.

    I think I have a lot to say.

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    1. I wish I would talk to you....your analysis is so spot on. If these people haven't been through it, they shouldn't say a word. You stayed home and kept the home in order...of course he was out working hard to earn a living, but he had a lot of down time too after flights with no responsibilities....that's what gets them in trouble. They think they need to meet down at the bar and one drink leads to two drinks which leads to the bedroom. All while we are home wiping spit from the baby, making dinner, paying the bills, mowing the grass, taxiing the kids around, helping with homework etc...Of course we do understand that this is how it has to be at home with his job. What we don't understand is while are doing all of these things, you are off with your F/A homewrecker. You can't have it both ways...oh wait, those narcissitic (spelling wrong I know) men think they can.

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  73. To July 19th: I know you have a lot to say. I think you are misreading who I was speaking to..I am on your side. I was telling the person who wrote on July 17th, who was telling you they didn't think he lost much and I told them they don't have a thing in their life based on how they think. I agree with you totally. I am very sad that I am with my airline pilot as far as what he does. I do not like the industry, it is not good for marriages and contrary to what many women believe, many of these pilots live like they can have their cake and eat it too. It is horrible also how the airline companies themselves do not care about the spouses and kids at home and they do not give us support at all nor do they even talk to the pilots about staying on the straight and narrow and keeping up with the families back home. I am sorry you have gone through what you have. Does he even feel remorseful? Does he regret what he has done? Or is is just laughing about it? Sounds as though you definitely have a strong foot hold on your life because many women don't and end up divorced with nothing. I am in an odd position, so I am taking it very careful at the moment and am going to do things my way instead of his way for the time being. I understand what you mean about the trust never being brought back. It does hurt very deeply at times beyond repair. YOur STD did not help the situation either I am sure as that is a constant reminder of what he did. Is he with an FA now or another woman? I see you still seem to have this respect for him and his job, but I have lost it for my husband out of just his pure ego he has. He is not the same as when we met and I never talk about his job to others if I can help it and he knows that. If he wants me to be proud of him again, he needs to change his ways and be a bit more humble and not so stuck on himself. I wish you the best..

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  74. To the July 20 poster: Sorry. I did misread who your comment was meant for. I appreciate your support and understanding of my situation. Thank you for responding.

    To answer some of your questions...Yes, I do think he feels genuinely remorseful. He is no longer with the flight attendant or with anyone as far as I can tell. But that is what I am talking about. Because I don't trust him anymore, I cannot tell if he is continuing his behavior.

    The reason I don't trust him runs deeper than me discovering he had an affair. Besides admitting to only having one affair, he has never been forthright with any other information. Any question I ask him is answered with denial. And, in every single instance of a denial from him, I have found evidence to the contrary. It is only when I present him with the evidence in front of his face does he finally answer my question, and then he still leaves some doubt.

    He left, unknowingly to him, quite an extensive electronic trail. I searched his computer, phone records, and used past bank statements to piece together his past. It was both shocking and very useful to me. I don’t think he ever dreamed I would be able to find out as much as I did. And the most ironic thing about it is one of his military specialties was electronic warfare. It’s kind of funny really but also sad as the only thing this resulted in is making him into a better liar. He now knows how I was able to find out as much as I did and is now very careful about leaving an electronic trail, i.e., getting a pre-paid Trac Phone, using cash instead of his bank card, and most likely having and using a laptop that he keeps in his flight bag in the city of his base to take on his trips.

    All I ever have asked of him was the truth so I could process what has happened, grieve, and move forward. He has denied me that and now it is too late. I recently uncovered, quite by accident, another very significant lie (in the past) and for me it is the final straw. I’m sure he will have another farfetched explanation for it but it doesn’t matter. I cannot continue to live my life uncovering things about his behavior. I needed the truth and never got it. There is now no trust, and without it, there is no relationship. I have struggled with this for over a year and I think I have finally hit bottom. I realize now how cruel of him it was to deny me the basic truth and how this shows he does not respect me enough to be truthful. He was more concerned about saving himself and his reputation.

    Going back to your questions…Is he remorseful? Does he have regret? Like I answered before, I think so but there is another strange thing I have concluded. I think he has been able to compartmentalize himself and his behavior. I think there are two ‘Johns’. The John he thinks he is…the good family man, the outgoing friend, the highly respected pilot, the successful businessman. And then there is the John who wants to live his life without regret and without caring who it hurts. This is the John who follows and fulfills his inner most desires, the John who thinks one night stand hookups don’t count as infidelity, the John who lies and cannot be honest, the John who blamed it all on me, the John with a very big ego. I think he feels remorse because he had a long term affair and to him this is different than what he sees is a harmless hookup. Or I could be completely wrong and he could only be remorseful because he got caught and is afraid everyone will find out what he has done and that he will lose his family.

    But it doesn’t matter. I think I’m finally tired of trying to figure it out. From uncovering this latest lie, I realize everything I suspect is most likely true and he is beyond afraid that I will find out the whole truth.

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  75. Dear July 20th at 16:07: Wow, to say the least, I am not really surprised at all you had to say. I think many pilots live a different lifestyle than they really truly ever planned to before they became pilots jetting around the world. Also, they usually start out young, and as they get more experienced and older, they reach that mid-life crisis, the big ego hits etc..and boom, they become these egotistical jerks. I am very sorry this has happened to you because even though I am not at your point, I am afraid of it. It scares me daily and I struggle with it..although recently I have gotten some advice that has helped me become stronger in realizing that IF I ever get into your situation, that really it will be ALL his problem, not mine. I have decided that I can't keep worrying about it. I can only trust, until of course I can't anymore, should that happen, and if it does, that it is truly ALL HIS LOSS, not mine and he is the one coming out looking like an idiot and I like the rose. To our kids, he will look horrible and I won't. He will lose everything, be the one to grow old and looking back with regret when he retires and I will sit there hopefully with someone else who loves me. I know it will hurt, but I have recently been able to see that I can't keep worrying about him and us, that I need to worry about myself, and that I am a good person and if he were to do anything, that he is the toal screw ball. So, back to you. I do find it comical that he used to work with electronic warfare and now has been caught by you knowing his stuff. Men in truth are pretty stupid. When the sex drive hits, they do think with the other head! What saddens me?? It is the fact that when they were young and first married us, they seemed or atleast were kind, loving, committed men to an extent. Then for some reason they go through this stupid phase of acting like little boys needing younger women etc...and all the stupid thrill all over again. It really pisses me off because they start to act like "I haven't changed...I am the same person." Bull!! Your man is probably so "caught" he can't speak. He knows you outsmarted him and he can't accept that a woman, most of all his wife, caught him after all he though he got away with. As far as compartmentalizing, all pilots do it...they do it as soon as they leave the house. It is like they have two worlds and they seem to refuse to mesh the two and admit they have a family back home and that that comes first. Ya know, just like I said...your husband and soon to be ex, will retire one day, look back, while he is all alone most likely and think of you and all he did and how he screwed it up. It is funny how he is now trying to not have a paper trail etc..when it is too late!! Very funny!! I mean that sarcastically too. Of course with no trust, there is not relationship...you are right. Without the trust you just sit there worrying all the time and you can't focus on being happy. If there is more for you to uncover....I know as a woman it is hard to not want to know what it is. If you are ready to end it, then why not know for closure? I would uncover all you can...I think it will make you feel better rather than to spend the rest of your life wondering what you didn't find out.

    You sound very strong and I admire that in you. Yes, many men think one night stands are not cheating...but to me, any betrayal of your heart...even emotional, is cheating...it is not committing yourself to your spouse and what you said they meant to you when you married them. Pilots have serious ego issues.

    I wish you the best.

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  76. Hi,
    I married a prostitute. I believe they sleep around more than pilots. Should of married differently. Damn.

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  77. hi, i married a flight attendant, i believe they sleep around more than prostitutes, should have married a prostitute, damn.

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  78. I am sure that all pilots do not cheat. my husband of 26 years would have never!! Until I got a phone call three months ago from a man claiming to be a husband of a 30 year old flight attendant that he went to suprise on a overnight and guess what he found my faithful husband in the bed with her. Yes, this was less that one month before our 26th anniversity. three years before I found out he was living in a co-ed crashpad having sometype of affair with a married woman ( flight attedant the same age as I was at the time 47) by his 985 text messages to her each month. My husband was a wonderful husband and father until he made captain five years ago. Needless to say I have filed for divorce and I am heartbrtoken. I gave 26 years of serving by his side in the military and 11 years of waiting home for him and his airline job to throw me away like a piece of trash. I know there are some good ones but I wouldnt touch one with a 10 foot pole. These jerks need to know that they not only break thier wife and childrens heart but friends, other family members and the one's that have to watch the left ones behind

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  79. Plus most of them come home grumpy, expect you to wait on them and drink to much! Marry a garbage collector they probally have hearts!

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    1. Ex Delta wife and ex Delta girlfriend12 March 2012 01:52

      They do come home grumpy. You've got that right. They say they're so tired because they're working hard. But on trips they're partying hard and come home exhausted. That's a major reason they're tired and grumpy.

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  80. To Anonymous on 14 September 06:10...

    I am the writer who wrote many of the passages above yours (on July 16, 18, 19, 20). I wanted to tell you I feel your pain and understand the devastation you feel. The hurt goes beyond hurting us, the wives. The betrayal hurts our children the most, and affects everyone around us. It was all an illusion it seems and is the most difficult thing to come to terms with. I am crushed and heartbroken. He doesn't realize the trust is gone and without trust, we don't have anything.

    I recently went forward and had my husband served divorce papers. The realization of it all finally hit him and he reacted very badly and in many ways irrationally.

    He finally admitted to another affair, one I suspected all along, and I even pegged down the date it started. He told me all my evidence I gathered electronically was wrong, circumstantial, and that I was seeing things that were not there. Right!! He couldnt remember when his affair started but I could sure tell him, and I was 100% right. Seems he not only cheated on his wife, but he cheated on his girlfriend as well.

    He is very remorseful and wants me to stay and 'try again' with him. He says he is done 'chasing women' and 'running around'. Now, this statement is from a man who only admitted to one affair (who said she did the chasing), and continued to lie to me for over a year about everything(until he admitted the second).

    Chasing women and running around sounds just like what he said...that he was chasing women and running around. He says that I am twisting and misunderstanding his words. I dont think so...it was a subconscious slip on his part, he knows it, and it is very telling.

    But as much as the evidence tells me he is still hiding a lot, and that I have no reason to trust him ever again, I am struggling very hard with my decision to divorce him. I think of the devastation to our family and kids. Divorce is the last thing I ever thought I would be doing after 22 years of marriage. It is gut wrenching and I am miserable.

    Even though it seems plain to see and most would say to divorce him without looking back it is still the most difficult thing I've ever had to do and I dont wish this on anyone.

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    1. Ex Delta wife and ex Delta girlfriend12 March 2012 01:55

      I was married for 22 years as well. They say you're crazy. Sometimes even when you have proof and show them they deny it. Sounds like they're in denial...or want us to remain in denial.

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  81. To Sept. 19,
    I am so sorry for your pain. It sounds like we married the same man. I do not believe in divorce but I felt as I dod not have a choice. My attorney is a Christian and he told me that what my husband did was adultry so it gave som some relief because of my faith. Every night that I go to bed I think about the things that have happened and a lot of things are becoming clear to me and I see where there was more than one woman. He will never admit to it. I think because he is going on 53 he needs to feel like he is someone and these women make hime feel great and important because they think that he makes a ton of money and that he will marry them Right! Men like these are not looking for a young quick wife. And if they are let them have it. If a woman will cheat with a married man they deserve each other. But let me warn you, This is the hardest thing that I have ever done. It has been 14 weeks since I filed for the divorce and I have panic attacks, I cry all of the time, and I have no energy. I have started going to Alanon which it a BIG HELP and a new bible study. You will find that some friends are safe to talk to and some are not. Just be careful to who and what you say because you are on new grounds. I do know that God has a better plan for me than living with a man that could be unfaithful to me and to treat me like it is my fault but it is going to take a while to get there. I don't know how old your children are but my are older one is in out of state college and one is out of college for a couple of years so I am in the house alone. It is hard but what would be harder everytime he left wondering if he is going to do it again? I am sorry but I believe if they will do it once they will do it again. It is not about you it is about what makes them feel good about them. It took me three and a half years to learn this from his first affair. It is late so I am sure I am making a lot of typo"s and I dont know how to do spellcheck on this new computer that he bought me (haha) and he is not here to ask( HAHA) laugh or cry!!! I wish you the best and just know to thank God in the morning for that day and when you get through the day thank Him for getting you through the night. It is hard but there is something out there for us better than this. I just have to beleive it.

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  82. To Sept., 19 Read a book called Codependant no more, Tough Love, by James Dobson. These type of men are going to make you feel like it is your fault, like you are crazy, and you just said you are miserable. I am miserable right now to but I was miserable when my husband came home, he drank at home, picked fights with me, was lying, everytime I saw him on the phone from the first affair I always thought he was up to something. Is your husband willing to go to marriage counseling until you are ready to stop? The first time I went for ever ,my husband went 2-3 times? Is he willing to let you look at his phone bill, email,see his schedule at anytime? his life need to be an open book to you without him getting defensive if not he still has something to hide. The first time my husband would not let me see anything unless he opened it for me. Just to punish me. They don't like to be caught, fits of rage and anger towards you . Atleast that is how my husband acted. Just be careful and don't let what happened to me happened to you. I wasted 3.5 years of my life and he SWORE to me he would never hurt me again and he really went crazy with the women this time. Best wishes whatever you decide. I don't know what your faith is but the first time this happened ( and stills denies there was sex) And I was born at night ,,,just not last night. I read every book on saving your marriage but i did not want to read the one by James Dobson because it was telling me to be tought and that my marriage might not work out but I wish back then I would have read it. I became a doormat for those years trying to keep somone who was making me so depressed and I felt so isolated. I will be thinking about you and your family I know how hard this is. I mark on my chalkboard the days that go that I don't talk to him it is very hard. There are a lot of good books if you do decided to go through with the divorce that will help you understand the crazy feelings you are having .they are normal.

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  83. To the last post please read this Every word on this site is so very familiar to me. I dated and cohabited with a BA Senior flight attendant and regret the day set eyes on him. Ladies and gentlemen I would respectfully ask you to have an open mind and research the traits of a "non violent" sociopath or psychopath. You will find that the airline industry is the perfect career choice for the risk taker, the sexual predator, the pathological liar, the controller and those NEEDING to escape and lead a double life, all of the above are traits of a sociopath. As for you, well you just complete the "perfect life" for him as he is seen by the outside world as "normal", respectful and admired. If your partner displays the instantly recognisable traits you will also discover that not only does he get a kick from the sex and multi partners he entertains down route, but he thrills at getting away with it as he dupes you with ease. NOT all will have these traits but from experience and having met plenty of crew the estimated 95% who do play away all get the benefits of flying with men and women who simply can not survive without sexual contact and who are sex addicts offering fantasy, high performance sex. Each time you confront your partner you will just be adding to his pleasure as he gets off on duping you as you NEVER have proof just a gut feeling. He's clever and after years and years of practice so he should be, he's in total control of the situation. I finally called my partners bluff a got all the conformation I needed to leave him.  He would aways protest his innocence whenever I questioned events that didn't ring true and often say "the only way your mind can be put at ease is for us to appear on a tv show and conduct a polygraph lie detector test", now come on who in their right mind would want to go to that length to prove guilt or innocence?  Well in the end after a long period of time of lie after lie I called his bluff and booked a professional test to be carried out in our home and guess what? He failed every single question.. I left him that week. Shocked and shattered I then started to seek answers as to why, after all I was his sole mate, we were to marry, he told me that he loved me every single day whilst we were together at home and whilst he was down route, our sex life was amazing so then why would he need to cheat? All my pain vanished when I had professional help and matched his traits to that of a "non violent psychopath" I now hear no more lies, i have no more sleepless nights, no more highs and lows, or unexplained events, my thoughts are no longer controlled and I now have my life back and I urge you to google "traits of a psychopath" it will explain a lot to most of you.  And one more thing, don't expect other airline employees to tell you the truth of what happens down route as these guys have to work alongside the 95% who cheat and of course, it's highly likely they also are receiving the same benefits and therefore why would they cut their own nose off to spite their face?

    Liam Percival "purser" British Airways" is a love fraud, a manipulator, a sexual predator and a liar who shows the classic traits of the personality disorder of a "non violent Psychopath"  

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    1. Ex Delta wife and ex Delta girlfriend12 March 2012 02:01

      Your post was very interesting. I'm getting a masters in psychology and my professors, on numerous occasions, talk about the sociopath pilot. You are correct. It is a typical personality type. You've got it right on. They enjoy the thrill about duping you. It gives them a high. Pilots give my professors plenty of lessons to teach us about the sociopath personality. Sorry, but true. I was married for 22 years to one and dated another one four a couple of years until I figured it out. I didn't want to categorize "all" pilots. However, "most" are the same.

      Delete
  84. To the lady who said that she did not need her husbands money because she had a career you are so wrong. You have two children together. DO NOT let pride get in your way! Those are his children also. You take everything and anything you can get and do it right away before someone ( his girlfriend advises him to do it first) what if you or your children get sick? he owes you and those children BIG? You ahould not have to work you should only work if you choose to. and if you go through a divorce it is going to be tough on your emotions you may not choose to work for a while. Take whatever you can get. Don't let some sleezy flight att. get what she is after your husband and your money. Remember in most states half of everything is yours. if you get the right attorney you can get a large portion of his pay and half of his military pay for adultry. Be sure to get a attorney that knows about military law. Best of luck ..Ditch him. I am seeing the light

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  85. Dated a pilot for a large US carrier. Never again. Extremely self centered, narcissistic and abusive. Always had one excuse after another for his disappearances which he blamed on his 'job'. Why risk your happiness for these liars thinking they will change for you? They just want to find someone who's gullible to fall for their dishonesty and put up with their time away meanwhile romancing others girls in other cities. They will tire of you afyer a few years and look for fresh meat as they suffer from ADD. They lack compassion and will blame you once you discover their affair. Theres too much temptation in their world. And these men who are lonely in hotels away from home will find it too easy to flirt with a stew or local bc they are horny. Sorry but its the truth and your life is not worth the misery. Have more value in yourself and turn down these pilots if they head your way.

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  86. I started dating an international pilot about a year and a half ago and have plans to marry. We have known each other as friends since Jr High, although that was 20 years ago and we reconnected just a couple of years ago. I have no reason to believe he is cheating on me, he is very good to me and I can account for his whereabouts most all the time. I'm new to the whole airline world and the statistics some of the people have posted here scare me. When he flies overseas, I worry about what he is doing, although in many cases, he will ask me to call him when he gets back from dinner when he goes to his room and we will talk sometimes for a long time, he is in no hurry to get off the phone. Every once and a while, I don't get an email telling me to call him and that he is going to his room. My problem is that on the rare occasions he does not tell me to call, I worry the entire time he has hooked up with a FA. Am I expecting too much? I know he cheated on his first wife with a FA once, that he told me about. I believe he loves me very much and has sacrificed a lot to be with me. So should I be concerned?

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  87. To Anonymous Oct 4 @ 5:45 - I am the writer of many of the most recent posts. I am the one who discovered, after 22 years of marriage, that my husband was unfaithful with 2 different flight attendants.

    I truly wish I could answer your question and give you a boost of faith. It's not that I cannot do so because of my experience, but because all situations and people are different.

    When people say, 'once a cheater, always a cheater' I don't blindly believe that. People are capable of change after learning from their mistakes. I truly believe that to this day. People can hit their bottom, recognize their faults, and change. I see it happen all the time.

    In my case, my husband cheated on his first wife, too. It was a huge red flag for me at first, and something I always told myself would be a deal breaker. However, we dated for a few years, we talked a lot about it, and I thought I knew him pretty well. He married very young the first time, admitted to his mistakes, and told me that part of his life was over. He told me he had changed and would never choose that path again as he saw the destruction it caused. I truly believed him and I had no delusions of changing him.

    I, like you, got tinges of jealousy and worry when he first went to the airlines. But like I said in an earlier post, I choose to trust him 100% because there was no way I could live a normal life in a state of anxiety all of the time. I just had to trust him.

    22 years is a long time to be married. Couples change, passion wanes, mid-life crises crop up, and the list can go on. All of this requires good communication to maneuver through in any marriage. However, the airline industry presents many more challenges to this than other 'normal' careers. You can compare it to the challenges a military deployment causes to a marriage, except the deployments occur every week instead of every 9 to 12 months. That is something many people cannot understand who are not in the airline industry. It can wreak havoc on a marriage...good marriages too.

    Add to it the opportunity the lifestyle presents and the odds get worse. When normal hiccups happen in an 'airline marriage', it is easy for intimacy and communication to suffer and for the pilot (or flight attendant) to look elsewhere for companionship and support. I think this is more true with international flying as the distance and time spent away, the availability of different women (and men) in the flight crew, the exotic destinations, and the fine dining and drinking all fuel the flames so to speak.

    I do think the incidence of cheating is higher for airline pilots. I dont believe those on this board who say the incidence is not higher than normal. I say this because I know my husband could not name 5 captains who are not on their 2nd, or 3rd wife. I work very closely with physicians, surgeons no doubt, and I do not see the same level of infidelity as I do among pilots in the airline industry. Pilots and surgeons are very close in personality.

    I think you will have to discuss your concerns very openly with you future husband. Maybe even show him this board. You could ask for 'transparency' with his phone, computer etc, but honestly, if there is a will, there is a way. There is a way around everything with technology as it is today. If he wants to cheat, he will, just as you could.

    My husband seemed to be the perfect husband. He was kind, considerate, helpful, a great father, and I thought I meant the world to him. I really thought he would walk in front of a bus for me but instead, I feel like he threw me under it. I just don't understand how he could throw all of it away like he has. He lied to me for years and now wants to reconcile. He is on his knees asking for my forgiveness.

    Which time am I supposed to believe that he has changed...the time with his first wife, or this time with me? I wonder if he has ever asked himself that question.

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  88. Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate them. You are right, I can't live my life in a state of anxiety and like you, will choose to trust. I was married 25 years before to a man who cheated for years in a totally different industry. I'd like to think I know the signs of cheating, but I could be naive to it in this situation. I also travel extensively for work in a predominantly man's industry, so I know he has concerns that I will want someone else because I have lots of options. But I choose him, and he knows that. So everything is good hopefully for years to come. I, like everyone else would like to think that we both learned from our mistakes in our first marriages, and would not repeat the same mistakes and can make it work. He is polar opposite of my first husband and I am even more opposite of his first wife. This gives me hope. It's a leap of faith no matter what their profession is. Thanks for your help.

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  89. He cheated on his first wife and you are marrying him? Hellllo....RED FLAG. The rationalizing that goes on in these relationships is so disturbing.

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  90. Hello,
    I am the writter who said that my husband got caught twice with two married floght att./ Well after snooping around there have been several other women ( not only flight att.) I will never trust hom again. I am so lucky that I am divorcing him but what is so sad is that my 20 and 24 year old sonS still have to have something like hom as a faTher figure. I have been so kind to hime for the past four mounths and he has turned this all on me. You would think with a 53 year old man with a masters degree he would know a few more words than F.U and my new name being F@$^#&ing B---CH. THEY ARE ALL THE SAME. iT DISQUST ME THAT ALL OF THESE f.a. AND PILOTS SLEEP WITH THE SAME PEOPLE. I WONDER IF THEY COMPARE NOTES. IT MAKERS ME FEEL SO UNCLEAN AND Cheap. Alteast I was only married to him 26 years it could have been longer

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  91. To 23 Oct 2011 07:42 (above post),
    I've written many of the above comments and have responded to you before too.

    I'm sorry you found out more about your husband's inexcusable behavior. On the other hand, I think the new information will help you have the resolve you need to go through something that is so very difficult.

    When I think about your situation, I cannot help but think you get a 'do over' : ) A well deserved 'do over'...like when we were kids playing and we didn't like the outcome, we would yell 'do over'! Except this one, for you, is for real.

    I do hope you have an attorney and keep your distance from him. You don't need to be around such negative energy and belligerence. He already sounds like an SOB and I'm sure everything about the divorce will turn or already has turned ugly.

    What is so scary for airline wives, in cases of divorce, is that pilots talk to and network with each other. It is easy for them to get advice from other pilots who have gone through divorces. They know exactly what to say and do to protect their money, which suddenly becomes 'all theirs'. It's amazing how I've seen my husband act after telling me for over 20 years that we were equal partners. Like I've said in an earlier post, I've always worked professionally and maintained my own career, and his behavior concerning 'his money' is shocking. Fight for what is morally and legally yours.

    Your 'do over' is well deserved. Take it and run with it. Leave him in the dust without his oxygen mask and begin your healing. You have 2 wonderful sons and a great life ahead of you. What could be greater than living your new life without a 200 pound weight around your neck?

    I'll start signing these with...

    'LeafChange'

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  92. I am the writter who wrote of aug.28. Yjr fitsy flt. att. my jusband got caught cheating with is married to a pilot with another aurline. I did not tell hi,me even though he has a right to know. The second one that I found out about hudand called me and told me in a very harsh way as if I did something wron. It was very painful but I am glad that he told me. What i dont undertstand is how he can stay married to a woman like that, I know that my husband would not have stayed with me. I think that iy is horrible that a man would take a woman back that has been with another man. In my eyes she is no better than a whore. I have been tempted to write a letter to the first man and let him know who he is married to. Dhe live in a co-ed crashpad in Baltimore with my husband for over a year and I didnt know about it. Of course they both still deny it. The only thing is I hate to break up another family. ZBut does he have the right to know? Or would he care sinve they all do it?

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    1. He has the right to know AND the right to make his own decision based on the truth. Would you want to know the truth? Wouldn't you want someone to tell you?

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  93. Yes, its true , they all cheat. I married a pilot , 35 years old.. and within a few months after the wedding I found out he was seeing a flight attendant. I hired a private investigator as I didnt want to waste years of my life being with this liar. I wil never look at another pilot till the day I die

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  94. MOST men cheat....PERIOD! BUT, being a pilot gives them the opportunity to do so more easily. Wife at home w/kids, whore at all ports. A man is only as faithful as his opportunities and if a woman is married to a man long enough, well, you will find out. They get bored with the same ole freaking woman's body and I really can't blame them. Heck, women get bored with the same ole, same ole too! I really do NOT care who I piss off with what I have said either. I am single, and will remain single...will I have flings? Absolutely! And it might just be with your husband!

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    1. No wonder you are single. Keep sleeping with the pilots. It sounds as if you're an FA (air mattress). You've just proved everyone's point. Pilots cheat! Congratulations! Something to be proud of. I wonder who cheats with your honey. They say what goes around comes around. Karma. You reap what you sow...etc. You're such a threat? It sounds pathetic actually. You sound like a rejected FA who couldn't keep her married pilot. The joke just might be on you after all. The wife gets alimony, half his money, and the house. What do you end up with? An STD maybe?

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  95. I was married for 15 years to a man that was a fighter pilot in the Air Force and then flew for the airlines. He cheated on me, which I found out, the entire marriage and even before. I vowed to myself that I would never marry again. I have been single for 7 years now and in that time, I have known many men, alot of them pilots. As horrible as this may sound to many, and I really do not care what you think/say, I set out on a quest just to see how unfaithful men/pilots would be. I was the "other" woman many times since my divorce. Why? you may ask. Because I will NEVER be a dumb, in the dark, wife again who's male cheats on her. I WAS the other woman and the married men I was with let their guards down like they will never do with their wives. I have learned so many things and the "masks" these men wear when they are with their families. Every one of them would talk to me and tell me how they are really unhappy in their marriages but they know that if they divorced, there would be hell to pay with paying out their arses. So, they stay married but have their extra life on the side to survive mentally. Good luck to all you foolish women who "think" your husband does not cheat. Only if your husband is paralyzed from the waist down, handicapped in some other way and bedridden, OR you have 24/7 surveillance on him, if the opportunity presents itself, HE WILL CHEAT ON YOU! Men do it because they are BORED with the same ole female anatomy and like to spread themselves around! Believe what you want all you naive females in the world! I for one have wised up to the ways of men.

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    1. Ex Delta wife and ex Delta girlfriend12 March 2012 02:05

      So you pay back cheating pilots, by cheating with them and hurt their wives. Maybe you need to rethink it. Sounds kind 'of self defeating. I refuse to think good men don't exist. You notice I didn't say good pilots--few and far between. Other pilots have warned me. My dad and brother are amazing men--good men, loving husbands, and fathers. No, they're not pilots.

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    2. Ex Delta wife and ex Delta girlfriend12 March 2012 02:08

      Have you thought that the pilots you're cheating with are wearing a "mask" when they're with you as well? Yes, they wear one at home AND when they're with you. They'll say anything to their wife, but it's a game even with you. I'd rather be with a good man, rather than sleep with cheating pilots. They tell there wives what they want to hear, but they'll tell you how bored they are at home to you so you'll feel sorry for them while they take your pants off. Sounds like you're duped again. Kind 'of sad.

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    3. I can't believe what I just read! You know the pain of being cheated on and you are doing the same..It's crazy that you believe all the lies the married men are telling you..that is how they get women to cheat on them..telling them they are unhappy or their wives are this or that..Did you not know that when men cheat..they date down..the other woman is not as pretty as his wife and to be honest he loves his wife..she would have to be the one to leave the relationship most of the time..The funny thing is you said you won't be stupid again..It's rare that when a guy cheats it's just with one woman..so listen good..he has a wife, you, and more women he is sleeping with..if you think you are the only one he is cheating on that is insane..When a man cheats..he lies to the other woman..all lies..he is getting what he wants just by telling a few lies..Get real! If you don't care about hurting his wife, think about his kids! Have a heart and quit being so selfish..get HELP!

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  96. Thank you for your words of comfort. I am the writer that found more women on his computer. ( to this day) he swears he doesnt know these women. It really doesnt matter. Even though he thinks he is so much smarter than I am . I hired an attorney, he didnt. So were those late nite partners woth half of everything, third of his salary and his home ? and the list goes on.

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  97. I have been in a committed relationship with a pilot for 4 years. After becoming suspicious when I was pregnant with our son I checked his email, phone and international phone. Yes he was cheating. Beyond cheating, he was a complete whore. All of his co-workers were too. Some were based in Africa sleeping around with african young girls or fresh black meat as they all called it, and going home to their European wives. The behavior is very common and encouraged. They all cheated!!! I don't think that it is possible for most pilots to remain faithful. Nobody wants to be called a slam clicker. I'm in it for my son now. He is a decent provider. I can barely screw him for fear of an std and he reuses his lines on me that he does with the other women. He definitely leads a double life. Sad for him. We were a beautiful family. Anonymous sex without intimacy gets old. So I have grown indifferent and he wants us more than ever. If someone wants to be a whore than so be it but don't drag a family into it. I have finally decided after 4 years of screwing a fat cheating lying, bastard that I am going to have a great time with a hot young rugby player and have some fun myself while he pays the bills. I'm sure eventually he will end up with an 18 year old mail order or young hot maintenance nightmare. I'm out and hopefully happier for it. Thanks for the vent!

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  98. Here's a new story--called my bf in Detroit the other night at 10:30 p.m. to say good night, he was in a bar with the other Delta pilots who would fly with him to Frankfurt the next day. He (JG, Delta pilot, Peachtree City, GA) was so drunk he could barely talk....slurring his words. Called me from his room later and passed out on the phone "trying" to talk to me. The next day had a hunch and decided to call his hotel room in Frankfurt which I "never" do. He was not in his room at 1:30 am. or 2:45 a.m. either. Now what do you think he is doing? Whatever it is I'm sure isn't good. Think I'll call him later--one more time to see if he ever makes it to his room tonight (or morning his time). I've already left a message on his hotel phone telling him its over, sent an email to confirm, and in case he misses that there will be a text when he lands. It's a relief. I feel free at last from someone who has cheated on everyone he's ever been with. He doesn't care if they are married or not. He's even slept with his best friend's girlfriend who I thought was my friend on the day he looked at engagement rings for us. Stopped seeing him for awhile completely. He got counseling, etc. Tried again, but this tiger doesn't change his spots. I will never trust him ever again--because "he" cannot be trusted. I could tell you several stories. Ladies, I've seen pathetic behavior of the crew when I've been on trips with him. Just one was when we went over early and ran into another crew completely wasted, etc.--one of the pilots was married. one divorced. FA's too. They hang on each other, flirt with each other, married pilots bring their FA girlfriends (Munich), etc. I've also seen several times Delta pilots with hangovers flying the next day! I wouldn't call that professional! Just fraternity boys partying with FA's and bar sluts away from home. Too hungover to be flying anybody. When is Delta going to wise up and test more pilots especially international. Typically they drink up to the minute when they have to stop, but they drink sooo much they still are hungover the next day when they get picked up to go to the airport. These are the people who have other people's lives in their hands. Really? Delta should be smarter.

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  99. WOW! I just started seeing an airline pilot and after reading this I got really depressed. I just feel I need to stop seeing him before I get hurt. Is there any faithful men out there?

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  100. all f/a;s are drunken whores

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  101. Dear Anonymous on March 15th 2012:
    I understand you completely. I am glad you dumped him. My opinion? Basically I agree with you. MOST of the pilots are that way, not all, but MOST. Very few are good guys. I think they exist, (the good guys), but honestly if I were single, I wouldn't go through the trouble of trying to find the few good ones that are pilots since they are far and few. I have been on those trips too watching, it is like you say for the most part. Once that plane lands, they think it is "party time." They don't think that they have a reputation to uphold for themself, the airline, and their family. These type of men are very egotistical and arrogant. They think they are God's gift to women and can do whatever they want because of what they do. It is sick really to know people like that THINK they have a conscience when really all they have is selfishness and no pride in what they are representing and who they work for...which is the passengers and keeping them safe and to come home to their family letting them know they were out there making bread for the family and keeping their pants clean and setting great examples for their kids and keeping their women happy and loved. So, to all you pilots out there who do this kind of behavior and hurt women's hearts and your kids' hearts: Trust me, karma will get you and personally I hope the rest of your life is a climbing the steepest uphill battle that never ends.

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  102. Yep, my husband! Blimey, there are 115 comments here now. Anonymous, please don't worry. This post has essentially become a place for angry women (and some men) to vent. It's a completely one sided view of relationships. (As I said in the original post, which I suspect none of these commenters actually read!)

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    1. I also believe "some" pilots do not cheat, but the fact is "most" do. I am not an angry woman, but one who believed her husband would "never" cheat either. It doesn't appear you hear the pain in the posts. They're just labeled as angry not hurt deeply. I have many friends in the industry--pilots, FAs, and ground crew. Pilot(s) have warned me that "most" cheat--about 95 out of a 100. My divorce attorney warned me when I started dating another pilot. Even my ex said he was better than most. Being faithful "part time" is not faithful. Several FAs have also confirmed the lifestyle on the road--both male and female. I have seen it personally myself when I've traveled on trips. What gets more interesting is when they don't realize you're a wife or girlfriend--and get to watch the interactions in the shuttle bus and while the crew is out sight seeing and drinking. But some don't care either way. I've been on a flight with my bf and a FA essentially was predatory "in front of me." A FA in the crew came up to warn me as well on another trip. Is this a place for angry women and men to vent? Or is it a place that reflects what happens with 95% of pilots? "Some" faithful pilots exists--true. However, 95 out of 100 do not remain faithful. Good luck to those of you are with one of the "few" who "remain" faithful.

      Yes, I read your original post--however, that does not change that "most" pilots cheat. Good luck to you. Have you read the posts from flight crew--pilots and FAs? They admit to what "really" happens on the road. I think their words speak for themselves. Telling someone not "not to worry" doesn't sound like good advice. Maybe be wise...think it through...what kind of guy is she with, and does she think she can take the "lifestyle"? IF you are with someone who is faithful--you're one of the few fortunate ones. I know what I've seen while on trips, what friends have said (pilots, FA, and ground crew), FAs have confirmed, even my ex confirmed. MOST pilots cheat! Sad to say by the way.

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    2. Yes, I read each and every comment here, because I have to approve them for publishing (even though sometimes I wish I didn't have to wade through them.) They are generally full of vitriol and rage.

      Where exactly is your evidence for your statement that "most pilots cheat?" Is there a research paper? You say 95/100 cheat? Have you got a citation for that?

      I live in a community with hundreds of pilots and their families and my husband shares with me all that goes on down route (the good, the bad and the ugly) and by and large the pilots we know are faithful. If I had to put a percentage on it I'd say about 25% play away, but then, I'm not one for spurious generalisations, so I won't. Perhaps it's different in the USA? But I doubt it, unless all American pilots are some strange sub-section of society that find it impossible to put their families first. I'd love to hear what my American PW readers make of your comments.

      Telling a concerned new girlfriend not to worry is a very sensible thing. Reading up all over the internet and getting ridiculously neurotic is not going to help anyone. Good relationships need trust. Anticipating trouble from the start is only going to make things worse.

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    3. Another question I had, why is she "already" reading about pilots who cheat? Is she uneasy about something already? Maybe she should listen to that a little and ask herself why?

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  103. Even in psychology evidence can be gathered for use based upon statistical empirical research data and evidence based upon case studies and anecdotal evidence based upon observation. All have validity. Therapy is based upon all three. So if science supports the above--why can it not be applied personally? I have wondered if it is different in the US compared to where you live. Maybe it could be due to cultural differences. We also study cultural differences in psychology. It can be completely different on your side of the pond. I would hope so. I am also aware that almost "all" US military pilots cheat when away from their spouses. My ex was one of the few who didn't, but succumbed to the lifestyle as a major carrier pilot--it didn't take long.

    I think it is "wise" to be observant when getting to know someone--pilot or otherwise. It is wisdom to ask no matter what their profession--whether he or she is a person of integrity before proceeding full throttle into a relationship. Is this a person to be trusted? If they are then go for it. However, being aware of the lifestyle that exists is another thing to be considered and can she handle it. If my guy was a man of integrity--which I thought he was AND he was for years--then enjoy!

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  104. I never looked for my pilot husband to cheat.
    I did however support excuses for his grumpy moods, and took the blame for things that were not my fault. Resentment built, and he became more and more verbally abusive over the years. When a FO presented him with the notion that escorts were harmless and fun, I think he felt justified in indulging.....he worked hard and deserved it, and I would never find out. With the internet, these days it is soooo easy to get an escort in ANY city you wish. Come to your room, $300, wear a condom, no strings.
    Imagine his and my surprise, when after telling me from another city, that he was going to sleep --- then 45mins later he pocket dialed me as he was finishing with 2 whores. No woman should have to hear that interaction. It's not harmless!!! We have a son, and I mostly regret letting him see the way that I allowed my husband to treat me over the years. He will never learn of this incident, but it's hard to swallow the pain sometimes. I still feel that my husband is a good man down deep, but if it doesn't surface....what's a girl to do?

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    1. Take the bastard for all you can get $$$$$$$ and find a faithful man! Let me tell you they dont always wear condoms and sometimes the green card girls show up at your door step pregnant. There is probably more than one pilot suicide due to being exposed by a jilted pregnant "girlfriend". If you and other pilot wives keep getting std's and constant infections...... he is not being safe and disrespecting you even further. Why do they think they are invincible ???????? Also so sly they can cheat under the radar ??? Patience is the weapon that forces deception to reveal itself, be strong enough to walk if you are not getting the respect you deserve. You matter,your life is just as important as the arrogant narcicist, you deserve an equitable relationship!!!!!

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  105. I suppose if I were a handsome pilot being wooed by pretty young girls it'd take a lot of emotional intelligence to weigh up the consequences before succombing....You know, I think we need a rule here. If I find you out, fine, that means you give me carte blanche TO DO THE SAME while you're away. I bet that'd put the fear of God into him! Men can stand the idea of their woman's infidelity even less than we can theirs.
    Girls I just read an amazing novel about all your stories, featuring an airline pilot living a double life. The writing is fantastic, seems like the author knows what she's talking about.
    The Mistress by E S Purnell. I got it on Amazon.

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  106. Here's the bottom line: Pilots live a life of being away, in nice hotel rooms, paid for, with many women around, and new ones they meet every day. They hold a job that many women admire etc..and think "wow". The pilots themselves have egos bigger than they realize. They take for granted what is at home, they change over the years as the industry influences them. Many cheat, some don't. They do cheat. Many men do, no matter what job they are in. Men are just cheating types. Most anyway. So, all you really can do is follow your gut. My gut is confused about my pilot. I don't think we will last til death do us part. Why? He gets worse every year he is a pilot. He changes from nice to asshole, asshole to nice, nice to asshole. So, in the end, the asshole will prevail.

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  107. After this secret service scandal - I am convinced that 70% of men with means and opportunity (and that includes pilots) will eventually engage in infidelity. Our polititions, sports stars and Hollywood elite have made many think that even seeing escorts is pretigeous. I am ready to throw my hands in the air!

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  108. I have been cabin crew in the middle east for the last 12 years and have seen my fair share of scandals involving pilots. I am not saying they are bad people because I get along really well with most of them..its just that I could never go "there" again. I too fell in love with one and we were together for 6 years until he cheated on me with another cabin crew and married her a few months later! I definitely learnt the hard way. Their lifestyle is a recipe for cheating if they wish to live that way. They stay in hotels with beautiful young (usually single) girls. Just add alcohol and an affair is born. I used to think that my pilot was different when people warned me but I was so wrong. Better just to keep them as friends, they can be lots of fun. I will never get involved with one romantically again.

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  109. I think that someone should start an online list for all the cheating pilots. Flight Attendants "in the know" can come to and place their names on it. This way the women at home will have a way to find out.

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    1. I think this is a great idea--flight attendants "in the know" would help many wives and girlfriends of pilots discover the truth rather than being played by their cheating pilot. Often they tell you that you're jealous, insecure, crazy, and none of the other wives or girlfriends have a problem with their lifestyle--getting drunk, partying (in hotel rooms together), etc.

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    2. I'm a single flight attendant, and have been flying for 12 years. The stories I could tell about the pilots I fly with are disgusting...Most of these guys walk around like they are God's gift to woman, very self centered and arrogant. Ladies run for the hills...I would safely say that at least 8 out of 10 have cheated on their spouses. Very sad...

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    3. My pilot husband cheated constantly because he felt it was his right and the old ugly flight attendants throw themselves at the pilots when their desperation sets in. I finally got tired of him, the f/a and the absurdity of this situation. The pain of infidelity is real and depression never ends. I decided to have affairs just like my Delta pilot husband.When all the flowers and cards all over the house from other younger men drove him insane. A taste of his own medicine which I must admit I feel ashamed I really did enjoy. The moral of this nonsense is do not get married if you plan on cheating, it truly hurts the family. If you are going to cheat get a divorce first, it is easy to behave like an animal, blame others but don't create families and destroy lives. It is hard to believe some pilots can have so much responsibility and have no morals whatsoever. I bet they would truly become cowards in the face of a real emergency.Such brave men cheating and lying to women but turn the tables and they cry ;ike babies.

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    4. I had a pilot boyfriend (turned out to be married),call me drunk one night saying a young hottie hit on him and tried to get in his room. He sounded regretful he didn't go for it! Why are we soooo stupid when the oxytocin(lol the love chemical not the pain killer) is activated ??????? I need a painkiller after that pathological liar !!!

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  110. Hello everyone- I have a childhood friend who is a pilot, I had not seen or spoken to him in many years, until the last few years. Not quite sure how we got into contact again, but that's beside the point. He found me very unhappy, heartbroken and down on life, as he seemed to be the same. We enjoyed many conversations over months. He seemed (and still does) to be very genuine, confiding in me of his career and marriage issues. Not a very happy person, his career has ruined all he had ever hoped for. Long story short, our conversations became more frequent and my trust in him and his genuine need for friendship became stronger. We eventually met up, one thing led to another and you can guess the rest... He has told me he this is not the norm for him, has never done this before and has been afraid to but felt a connection with me. Said he and his wife are separated/divorcing. Recently we met up again, but many things were different. I am now questioning his intentions and his honesty, that's why I googled "pilots and a girl in every city" and came upon this blog. After reading all these posts I am feeling uncertain. I guess I am just questioning whether or not I am just a fun time girl whenever it's convenient for him or if our friendship is for real and he is as honest and genuine as I thought? ...am I being played by a true master of lies?

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  111. What about married flight attendents? I would imagine the rate for cheating for FA's is very high, male or female.

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  112. flight attendants are pilot leftovers, drink like fish and cheat never marry a sky slut just have fun with them

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  113. Its true that any man in any profession can cheat. If its in his nature he will do it. However, pilots have more opportunity and most of them seem to think screwing the flight attendants is a contractual right!
    I am a flight attendant and can honestly say the married pilots are usually the worst! They remove their wedding rings, lie about having a wife and kids..some of them pretend they are going on a flight and get into their uniform and go visit the girl they are banging. One told me that he would rather visit hookers because crew gossip too much and he might get caught. They will phone the girls in their hotel rooms and sometimes they just come knocking! SLIME!
    Even the innocent, sweet ones who are new to commercial flying eventually give into the buffet of single, lonely, easy girls that this job attracts.
    Ladies who are already married to a pilot have two choices. Turn a blind eye and make the most of your JJ lifestyle or get divorced.

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  114. I wrote many of the above post. I divorced my husband after 26 years. He was caught by FA'S husband now one year later she and her husband just had a baby( trash) I saw this on facebook. I do believe for the airlines ( at least the large wee known carrier my Ex works for all you have to know how to do to be a pilot is fly a plane, drink to much, be abusive to your wife, cheat , have no class and NO MORALS. the same rules apply for the FA except they don't have to fly a plane just be able to serve peanuts, drinks and wreck homes. I'm really amazed that the airlines turn their backs on such disgusting behavior. If you wives are thinking about divorce. Be the I've to file first don't let him do it. You need to have all of the power. Also, my preacher gave me some good advice.... Never throw away evidence. You never know when you are going to need it. Keep watching and snooping check phone records,email accounts, schedule changes, anything you notice different. I don't trust any of them. Trying to move on......

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  115. I flew for 8 years for the fastest growing Gulf-based airline and just recently resigned to marry my pilot fiance here in the US. I was skeptical at first, seeing what happens on layovers, to be involved with one. I never dated crew from any airline till I met him and he's one of the good guys. Small-town born with good values so I got lucky. Don't get me wrong, there are sleazebags out there but pilots don't have monopoly of cheating. Cabin crew are sometimes just as guilty, I have too many friends who got hurt by cockpit/other cabin crew too. Non-cabin crew partners also can cheat because of the constant absence of their partners. So it's up to us cabin crew to demand respect for ourselves and not be played with.

    As for my NEW hubby... if he cheats, I walk away with half!!!!

    @ Flying high..I hope the weather is so much better now. I will never miss the summers in the Middle East.

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  116. I don't think I would ever marry a pilot and I am one! There ARE good ones... however this last experience has me positive I want someone 9 to 5 and without temptations. I supported my ex through flight school, then worked on my ratings. I am with a commercial airline and have seen it all!!!!! The harsh labels you give flight attendants to make you feel better isn't so on target ( especially since most are grandmas ). I see these guys flirt with hotel staff, restaurant staff, gate agents, Starbucks girls and the worst trend of all is the inexpensive prostitutes. In central america a crewmember said he could have a beautiful young girl all day for 25 us dollars! I've seen them waiting to meet married pilots.....in the HOTEL lobby! ("the layover wife") I have always wondered why the company turns a blind eye to it all. Some hotels in Brazil require the guys to check in the prostitutes at the desk! Yes these guys have the balls enough to do it! A Captain once said to me at breakfast "I dont know why pilots have relationships with flight attendants and risk their family and half their money, when they can just get a hooker on the road!"
    I was duped ! I fell for a sophisticated and charming liar! This last relationship was my Epiphany on player strategy and the married man. He is a pilot (same company), he told me from day one he was getting divorced,he lives apart, the divorce is complicated,the divorce is filed, she never loved him, stopped having sex with him , she has a boyfriend, etc! Early on I pressured him to prove the process and he called his attorney on speaker phone and generically said "did she get the papers???? Did her attorney request anything else????". The assface even met my parents!
    I have to say the man turned out to be a talented con artist! The contradictions, excuses, future faking,and serpentine ways got him a 3 year ride! His ability to con was easy considering he lived in the middle of the USA, and had three innocent kids he used as an excuse to not spend time with me. Truth is he made a fool of his wife, his kids and me! I feel horrible for her , feel she should know who he truly is sitting next to her in church! I want to call his phone and say "Tick Tock Mother F*&%er!", at the same time his wife and kids don't deserve the pain. Even though I was deceived into this ,I want to tell her how sorry I am for being any part of her pain, and to RUN LIKE HELL from this collector of women!!!!!

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