Saturday, 19 March 2011

Pilots and marriage - a cautionary tale

I spotted this the other day when doing a search for other sites about being married to a pilot. It's a hilarious take on what NOT to do as far as relationships are concerned.

There's always a running joke between my husband and I about how many failed marriages each of his Captains have had. But really, it's not so funny. Amongst the humour, there are a lot of very sad kids out there with divorced parents. Sigh...I hate it when pilots live up to stereotypes! Anyhow, here it is. If you don't laugh, you'd cry...

Subject: Life of a Pilot

22 years old: Graduated from college. Go to military flight school. Become hot shot fighter pilot. Get married.
25 years old: Have 1st kid. Now hot shot fighter jock getting shot at in war. Just want to get back to USA in one piece. Get back to USA as primary flight instructor pilot. Get bored. Volunteer for war again.
29 years old: Get back from war all tuckered out. Wants out of military.
30 years old: Join airline. World is your oyster.
31 years old: Buy flashy car, house and lots of toys. Get over the military poverty feeling.
32 years old: Divorce boring 1st wife. Pay child support and maintenance. Drink lots of booze and screw around while looking for 2nd wife.
33 years old: Furloughed. Join military reserve unit and fly for fun. Repeat above for a few more years.
35 years old: Airline recall. More screwing around but looking forward to a good marriage and settling down.
36 years old: Marry young spunky 25 year old flight attendant.
37 years old: Buy another house. Gave first one to first wife.
38 years old: Give in to second wife to have more kids. Father again. Wife concerned about “risky” military Reserve flying so you resign commission.
39 years old: Now a captain. Hooray! Upgrade house, buy boat, small single engine airplane and even flashier cars.
42 years old: 2nd wife runs off with wealthy investment banker but still wants to share house (100%).
43 years old: Settle with wife #2 and resolve to stay away from women forever. Seek a position as a check Captain for 10% pay override to pay mounting bills. Move into 1 bedroom apartment with window air conditioners.
44 years old: Company resizes and you’re returned to copilot status. 25% pay cut. Become simulator instructor for 10% override pay.
49 years old: Captain again. Move into 2-bedroom luxury apartment with central air conditioning.
50 years old: Meet sexy Danish model on International trip. She loves you and says you are very “beeeeg!”
51 years old: Marry sexy Danish model for wife #3. Buy big house, boat, twin engine airplane and upgrade cars.
52 years old: Sexy model wants kids (not again). Resolve to get vasectomy.
54 years old: Try to talk wife out of kids, but presto, she’s pregnant. She says she got sick after taking the pill. Accident; sorry, won’t happen again.
55 years old: Father of triplets.
56 years old: Wife #3 wants very big house, bigger boat and very flashy cars, “worried” about your private flying and wants you to sell twin engine airplane. You give in. You buy a motorcycle and join motorcycle club.
57 years old: Make rash investments to try and have enough money for retirement.
59 years old: Lose money on rash investment and get audited by the IRS. You have to fly 100% International night trips just to keep up with child support and alimony to wife #1 and #2.
60 years old: Wife #3 (sexy model) says you’re too damned old and no fun. She leaves. She takes most of your assets. You’re forced to retire due to Age 60 rule. No money left.
61 years old: Now Captain on a non-schedule South American 727 freight outfit and living in a non-air conditioned studio apartment directly underneath the final approach to runway 9 at Miami Int’l. You have interesting” Hispanic neighbors who ask you if you’ve ever flown DC-3′s.
65 years old: Lose FAA medical and get job as sim instructor. Don’t look forward to years of getting up at 2 AM for 3 AM sim in every god-forsaken town you train in due to the fact your carrier can find cheap, off-hours sim time at various Brand X Airlines.
70 years old: Hotel alarm clock set by previous FedEx crewmember goes off at 1:00 AM. Have heart attack and die with smile on face. Happy at last!

Ain’t aviation great?


  1. I laughed so hard! So many truths in this post.

  2. Awww it's so sad, and his life seemed so promising at 30, should have gotten the vasectomy between wife #1 and #2 then the he could keep screwing with no consequences - well the STD thing is a big no no, but at least there would not be little munchkins with a dad who can't control his peeper.

  3. get married twice second time to f/a no kids live happy forever

  4. I was married for 34 years. My ex became a pilot for a regional and progressed to captain. We had 4 beautiful children together and were best friends. I supported his dream and he did so for me. I became an R.N. and we had many good times and not so good times. We both has the same values and taught out children the same. The problem was after we had been married for 6 yrs we lost our first daughter to brain cancer. I went to nursing school my husband was devastated and cheated on me . He was 30, the girl was 15. It lasted about 9 months and my husband choose to be with his family and promised to never do this again. His reason at that time was that I was not fun anymore. I was really just trying to grieve, raise our children and be there for him. I am not perfect. This all happened prior to husband becoming an airline pilot. I knew he was so sorry, I knew he loved me. But if he had wanted out I would have opened the door. I believed in him because I believed he was a good man. Approximately 7 years later he had two more affairs. He was living a double life. I found out when the two women called my home to tell me what he did. We had our last child and he was just a baby. He finally had gotten a job as an airline pilot and although I told him to leave. He told me he knew if he did not change he would die within 5 yrs. He was so sorry again, we worked things out. I thought this would never happen again. But it did. 4 years ago I was visiting my daughter and he was home. He somehow contacted the 1st girl he had been with. I started divorce proceedings. He was a captain, our kids now grown. I became disabled after working for 29 yrs of our marriage. His company shut down and I wanted to be there for him. But he had already found the first girl. she has been married 2 times and has 5 kids. The divorce went through because I knew I had no choice. He is with her and seems happy. I just want to know what I did wrong. My children are grown but feel very confused and that now our family is destroyed. I feel alone. Any help to give me constructive criticism. Or just help. I don't believe this is character at all or that all pilots do this. What's up.Just need a little boost to know the family I worked so hard for, I did not fail




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