That old pilot-air hostess chestnut

I felt prompted to write this by a post on another pilot's wife blog (which I like very much) - Musings of Cpt J's Wife. In it, she responds to posts on a forum she reads from women who trust their pilot husband/boyfriend completely not to cheat on them. It's clear they've touched a nerve. This is what Cpt J's wife has to say (this is abridged from her post - click through for her full post, which has a lot more detail):

"Don't "assume" that your SO is so head-over-heels for you that he won't cheat.
Regardless of the laws you lay down, if they are going to cheat they will
cheat - REGARDLESS! If you think that you are immune to the ups and downs of
this lifestyle you are living in a bubble. You cannot truly give an opinion
or tell someone what to do unless you have been in this industry for quite
some time. I feel sorry for these women that will come back to the forums in
a few months or year and cry that it has happened to them. "

From her post, it's very clear that Capt J's Wife has been hurt deeply in the past. I was very sorry to hear about it, and I understand completely why she must feel that other women are living in ignorance (as I'm sure some are, by a law of averages).

I do agree that if someone's going to cheat, they will cheat, no matter how many 'laws' are agreed between a couple. I also agree that you can't really give good advice or your opinion to someone in a particular situation unless you've been through it yourself. However, I do disagree with a lot of what she says.

Speaking from my own experience, I do believe that my husband loves me so much that he will never cheat, partly because I apply that same rule to myself, and know that my depth of feeling for him would mean I will never want to stray either. This is coming from a partnership with many years under its belt, and a great deal of experience of the aviation industry, too, so we're not exactly new to this.

We have absolute trust between us. However, this isn't just blind trust; he's never given me reason to worry. He's more of a culture-vulture than a drinker and sunbather, so when he's on a trip he's much more likely to be in bed early so that he can sight-see the next day, rather than staying up late to go to drink with the crew. Having said that, even when he ends up socialising with the crew on a night out - I still trust him, because of who he is, and how well I know him.

I also think it's important to get the amount of cheating that goes on into perspective. Tempting as it might be to think that all these women who are in nauseatingly happy relationships are kidding themselves, I believe that most of them aren't.

What it boils down to, I think, is this. If someone's going to cheat, they will do, whatever their job - policeman, lawyer, postman, milkman... I mean, what about doctors and nurses? That's even more of a cliche than pilot and air stewardess! It's certainly a great industry if you're going to cheat, but I still maintain that that really doesn't mean that everyone (man or woman, let's remember there are women in this industry too) is going to do it! I think, therefore, that Cpt J's Wife's final point - that these same women will come back to the forum, crying that their husbands have cheated on them - is wide of the mark.

I think people get carried away with the stereotyping of pilots. It's like saying that all lawyers are avaricious, that all nurses are naughty, and that all policemen plod! Pilots are individuals, just like everyone else, and some will cheat, and some won't. Only they - and often their partners - know whether they have, or will, or haven't, and won't.

And don't forget that it's perfectly possible for the partner at home to cheat too. In fact I read an article by Edwina Currie (think John Major and his blue pants - yuck) the other week, in which she argued that many women cheat, but they're better at hiding it so they don't get found out. But that's for another post I think!