"Us" time

We've just come back from a long trip to the UK, which included a very needed holiday for just the two of us. We realised recently that we haven't been on a "just the two of us" break since September last year, and since we'll be three next year, it seemed like we should make it a priority!

We started our break with a couple of weeks seeing family, which was vital. My husband and his father are still reeling from the death of my mother-in-law, so it was important for them to spend some time together. Sometimes I have no idea what to say to either of them, but I'm trying to help just by doing practical things, and just being there. Seeing them in so much pain is terrible.

It was during our time staying with his Dad that my husband said he planned to spring a surprise trip on me. I was very excited about this (as even our honeymoon was planned by us both!) and I expected it to be a couple of nights in London before our flight home. I was entirely wrong. It turned out to be what my husband entitled "The great pre-bump UK tour", and it was fabulous. We put in some serious miles on the hire car, and drove via my parents' lovely country home to the Lake District, then up to the Scottish Highlands and then on to Edinburgh. Believe it or not, I've never been to Scotland before (despite having travelled across the world many times!) so this was a great opportunity, and the sort of trip it would be very tricky to do with a baby in tow.

We had a wonderful, relaxed time taking in the fantastic scenery and immense breakfasts (whoops). The picture above was taken during our drive through the Lakes - amazing to actually be at the end of a rainbow! (Sadly we didn't find a pot of gold).

Pregnancy wise, things are going well, we hope. We had the 12 week scan before we headed back to the UK, and everything looked ok so far. I'm now 15 weeks and I'm really starting to show. Several people we don't know, like people working in shops, have noticed, and that makes it all seem wonderfully real! There's really no hiding it now, even if I wanted to. I've invested in some maternity clothes, taking advantage of the fact that the UK shops were selling off their summer stock when I was home - hooray! Definitely a benefit of living in a country where the sun shines every day!

Symptoms wise, I have an itchy tummy (which I assume is the skin stretching?), heartburn, occasional muscle pain around my stomach (which I think is round ligament pain), a dodgy back, and I still need to pee ALL the time! Brilliant.

My husband is being fantastic about the pregnancy, more than I could ever have hoped. He's read all the books (and seems to know more facts than me!) and is incredibly supportive, which is so vital when you live so far away from home and you're feeling hormonally emotional.

Of course, I'm already worried that my husband will just have taken off for a long-haul trip to the US just as I go into labour... I'm thinking of asking a friend to be a stand-by birthing assistant. Does anyone who's been there have any advice?

Pregnant pause

I apologise for my somewhat lax blogging over the last few months. There has actually been a reason for this...




Yes, you read that correctly! After our long, painful struggle with infertility, my husband and I have been blessed with a little bit of magic. I'm now 12 weeks pregnant, and everything looks ok so far, although I've been incredibly nervous throughout and will probably continue to be so.

Obviously we are over the moon, but as you will know if you read my blog regularly, my husband is recently bereaved, so things have been very difficult for us both over the last couple of months. We found out we were expecting the week before my mother-in-law died, and told her about it, thank God. She was absolutely delighted.

I'd also like to add that, despite my pregnancy, I hope my friends who are still dealing with infertility will feel they can still come to me to talk about how they feel. I may be pregnant, but I will always remember how truly horrible it all is. I, more than most, will also completely understand if you want to stop following my blog. But, if you do decide to continue, I promise to be as sensitive to your feelings as I can.

Infertility can take over your life, and once you've experienced it, you never forget its effects. I'm praying you all have a happy outcome, whatever that may be.

And for me? Well, I'm not counting my chickens until I have our baby safe in my arms...

Home thoughts from abroad

Amazingly, I'm entering my eighth month of living here. It seems to have gone in a flash. One thing I notice about being an expat is the longer the stretch of time you have in your new country of residence, the easier it is - and conversely if you head back to your mother country for a break, it's much harder to feel settled in your new country when you get back.

I feel a bit like that this time. Our recent three weeks in the UK, whilst obviously very harrowing, were also an opportunity for us to get used to a UK way of life again. It was also very important for us both to be close to our families during this horrible time, and being so far away from them now is extremely difficult.

So, I've been thinking about the things I miss about the UK, versus the things I don't. I thought I'd make a list.

Things I miss:

1) Our families. Although having said that, we've seen a great deal of them this year with our flitting back and forth, and when they come to visit you get proper quality time with them, not just a snatched overnight stay once every few months. We didn't live very near our families in the UK either.

Naturally I miss my mum-in-law every day, but I think that would be the same wherever we lived in the world. Rest in peace, lovely mum-in-law. We miss you.

2) Green. You know, that wonderful saturated green you get in the UK - green hills, green fields, green gardens. Here, you get green parks and green plants, but the overwhelming colour is browny yellow!

3) A democracy. I miss a society where bureaucracy was transparent and everything seemed (mostly) fair. Here things are never black and white - generally various shades of grey instead.

4) Snow and ice. I love snowy days, and let's face it, we're never going to have those out here. But on the other hand, I don't really like being cold! Doh.

5) My friends at home. I miss the physical presence of friends I've known for many many years. Having said that, Skype and email are amazing tools and I feel very close to them still, and I have lots of new friends here, many of whom are becoming very great friends.

6) Drinking booze in a pub. This is a picky one I suppose, but alcohol regulations are so tight here that you can only drink alcohol in 5 star hotels, or in your own home. I miss being able to drink booze on tables outside restaurants, in parks and in pub gardens. Just a simple freedom thing I think.

7) Our cat - although he's being completely spoilt by my mum and is very, very happy with the countryside cat eutopia he currently lives in!

Things I don't miss:

1) Stress. I had no idea how stressed I was, and how my lifestyle was making me ill. I used to suffer from recurrent headaches, but I haven't had a single one since I moved here. I used to have a hellish commute into London every day to do a job that was exciting but extremely stressful and demanding - and I have to say I don't miss the way it used to make me feel. I think all of this only served to make my infertility problems worse.

2) Worries about money. The UK just seems to get more and more expensive to live in, and the salaries just aren't keeping up. When my husband was unemployed things were particularly dicey. I remember we worried about turning the heating on in our small 3 bedroom terraced house in case we couldn't afford the bill. Tesco vouchers became my best friends. I am now amazingly relieved that money is no longer our primary concern.

3) Being cold. As mentioned above, I'm not very good at being cold! Here it can be unpleasantly hot in the summer, but the autumn, winter and spring are gorgeous. There's a lot to be said for lying in the sun reading a book wearing a swimming costume in December.

4) Tax. It's really an incredible feeling to realise that everything on your pay packet goes straight into the bank!

5) The rat-race. Someone said to me today that life here just makes you slow down and appreciate things a little more, and I agree. You just can't get things done quickly here, so you have to relax a little and take things a bit more in your stride, which is good for me.

6) Never seeing my husband. Despite the fact he now flies long-haul, his roster's generally pretty good, with only 3 or 4 trips a month, and when he's home, we have quality time. Last week, for example, we got to spend a whole week together, uninterrupted.

7) Drizzle/downpours/fog and any combination of them! I'm thinking of those cold, dark, damp winter days you usually have in the UK, when it's only light between about 8am and 4pm. I don't miss those!

I'm sure there are loads more... I'll have to post again when they come to me!

If any other expat ladies read my blog - what do or don't you miss about your home country?

After the flood

We have just arrived back from 3 weeks in the UK to find that our apartment has been under several inches of water in our absence. We had a note from the management company explaining that a pipe had "snapped" in the flat next door and flooded our home. Brilliant. Luckily they sent in a team of cleaners to mop it all up, who used our lovely bed spread and my husband's dressing gown to soak up the excess, leaving the latter in the washing machine. For three weeks.

Somehow, this wasn't a surprise to us. We've just had the most devastating, upsetting time of our whole lives, and we've stopped expecting the world to go our way, even a little bit.

This is because my beautiful, vivacious, hilarious, loving mother-in-law died suddenly and unexpectedly while we were in the UK. It has been a time of incredible sadness, and my husband is undoubtedly going through hell. She was still young - not even 70 - and had so much to live for. Thank God, though, that we were in the UK - we could so easily have been over here - and in fact my husband was staying with his parents when his mum died. He is her only child and she loved him with an incredible and amazing intensity, and I know him being there with her always brought her tremendous joy. I thank God for that.

And for my part - when my mother-in-law was on life support in hospital, I promised her I'd look after her son for her, always.

And I will.

A slice of his life

I've just got back from a trip with my husband to the USA. It's the first time I've been able to go along with him since we got here. His previous airline often had him working away from base, but he generally flew short-haul so he never stayed anywhere for me to go along with him - and even if I did want to, staff travel was a nightmare!

This, however, was a completely different matter. When I fly on staff travel with this airline I realise the gulf there is between his current employer and his previous one - it's like they're from completely different worlds! First and foremost, this airline actually has a proper ID90 system with inter-airline agreements, and a route-network across the world - so we can go almost anywhere so cheaply. Amazing. Secondly, the airline takes customer service REALLY SERIOUSLY. Every passenger I've spoken to raves about his airline. Contrast this to his previous airline where we had standbys that were worthless because we could never get on, limited destinations and the passenger reviews online could make you cry. Anyhow, I digress...

The trip was fantastic. Getting on was a close run thing - there are weight restrictions on long-haul flights from here in the summer because it's so hot (over 45c most days). Luckily, though, the Captain was determined to get me on and lo and behold I was seated in Business Class! Three other staff passengers didn't get on, so I felt extremely lucky.

When I'd taken my seat on board my husband came into the cabin to check on me, and I was so proud to be seen with him. All the other passengers were peering at us, wondering how on earth I knew the pilot! I know that other pilot's wives will have had this feeling and will know exactly what I'm talking about!

When we arrived in the US I went through the normal security channels, but when I came out I discovered that all four pilots were waiting for me, bless them! They then took me to the crew shuttle and I travelled with the crew to their hotel, which was in a lovely town, right in the middle of things.

We packed a lot in while we were there. We met one of my husband's friends for dinner and then met one of my friends in town the next day, and she gave us a guided tour. It was so surreal to actually be there, but so fantastic. We were knackered and slightly sunburned after a day walking around in the sun, but it was brilliant.

That night we got a couple of hours kip before we had to head to the airport for the return flight.

This time the staff travel situation was a little easier; the man behind the desk confirmed me in economy on an exit row, and said that they might upgrade me at the gate if they had space. Pleased I was at least going to get on the flight, I sat down and waited for my husband, who was about 30 minutes behind me in the crew bus.

When he arrived he took me over with him to the crew baggage screening area, and we waited there until the crew were ready to go through security. It was at this point that I felt I should probably leave them and go through the normal passenger channel, not wanting to take advantage too much of my relationship with my husband. So, I left the crew and began to make my way through the crowds, when the airline's representative who was escorting the crew called out "you can come with us!".

So it was that I walked through the airport with four pilots and 16 perfect looking cabin crew, and was taken with them through the crew security channel ("she's with us!") and on the bus to the gate. When I reached the gate my husband boarded the aircraft while I went to see the gate agent to see if they were able to upgrade me.

They told me that it was still too early to tell, so I left my boarding pass with them and went off for a wander in the terminal. I bought a book at Borders and was just buying a bottle of water in a cafe when the gate agent came up to me and said "here is your business boarding pass"!) Bless him, he'd actually come to find me to give me my pass! It was a brilliant bit of customer service. I was so surprised and impressed.

On the flight back I was in the very front row of the aircraft, and had a seat free next to me. I managed to get quite a lot of sleep in the lovely lie-flat bed (a revolution for me in air travel! I can never normally sleep on planes!) I also managed to see my husband a couple of times when he came down from the rest area. By this point all the crew knew who I was, and I truly did feel extremely spoilt.

Would I do it again? Absolutely. It did feel totally surreal flying half-way across the world for the weekend, but it was a fantastic experience I'll never forget. I'm just itching to do it again...