Today, I published the 50th comment on this post, which I wrote in January two years ago. In it, I put forward my by now rather well rehearsed treatise on why you can't tar all pilots with the same brush, and that, crucially, ALL PILOTS DO NOT CHEAT.
Little did I know how popular it would be. It's clearly very Googleable (is that a word now? Probably.) Stats show it's my most visited post ever. The 50 comments that follow are an interesting read. They're by no means all the comments I've received - I've rejected ones that named specific people, for example, because I felt that wasn't fair, and there's one particular correspondent who keeps sending in rather illiterate rants about female Cabin Crew which, by and large, I reject.
Still, it's fascinating that it's taken on a life of its own. The internet is indeed an interesting place...
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About Me
- Flying High
- This blog is about the joys and frustrations of being a pilot's wife. I'm a British woman married to an airline pilot. Due to the collapse of my husband's airline in the UK, in 2009 we took the plunge and moved to the Gulf where my husband has a new job as a long-haul pilot. After an uphill battle with infertility due to my PCOS, we are overjoyed to be the new parents of a gorgeous baby boy, born in April 2010.
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I think that the fact that everyone is so quick to jump on the notion that "pilots cheat" just shows how naive they really are about men in general. Men who cheat will cheat regardless of how easy it is to do so. When I commuted in my 20s, a man sat next to me on the train and told me all about his family, his pregnant wife, law practice, etc... and then asked me if I wanted to "do lunch, if you are into that sort of thing, if you know what I mean..." I mean, in 10 minutes, his wife was picking him up from the train.
ReplyDeleteWhen people want to cheat, they will find a way. And if they don't want their spouse to know, they will keep it a secret. There are plenty of pilots that don't cheat, just as there are plenty that do.
I guess that's my long-winded way of saying that I agree with your sentiments. :-)
I totally agree with that statement. Not all pilots cheat. I am to this day proud of my now ex. But he cheated before he was an airline pilot. They have really tough hours and are not appreciated for what they do. But its what they love and do best. I believe in character. No matter what vocation you do. If you have people who love you and stick with you no matter what. Then keep your eyes on the skies. someone told me a few years ago , you cant change the stripes on a zebra. I learned the hard way and am now divorced after 34 yrs. Then thing is, I believed in my ex. I. learned to go thru storms of life. If anything I blame myself. But I don't . Forget about the money, its the whole family who suffers. I still have deep respect for my ex as a pilot. But as a man of courage, not so much.
Deletei was driving by a particular motel early this morning and saw what looked to be a prostitute leaving. perhaps she was with a pilot?!
ReplyDeleteYes...Googleable is a word in my personal dictionary. I now work as a search engine optimization specialist, and the post you referred to actually ranks pretty high in the search engines from an analytics rank (I just checked :)
ReplyDeleteI have also given the link to a few friends who are in relationship with pilots. It's not the career, but the career does make it easier to cheat (long periods of time away, free hotels, etc) It makes me sad to hear of cheating pilots...I've been consoling a friend whose fiance just ran off with an FA. But just as your original post stated...it's not the career, but the integrity of the man.
it is wrong to just single out pilots as the only people who cheat. i mean, a former president of the united states even did it... more than once! then, unbelievably, his wife continued to stand by him.
ReplyDeletewho knows, maybe i'll even do it myself. and i'm not a pilot?!
It seems that you can Google everything today...
ReplyDeleteThere are reasons why so many pilots cheat: because they can. The opportunity is just so much greater and easier than those in most other career fields. Maybe more non-pilots would cheat if given those same opportunities.
ReplyDeleteHere is my reasoning for making that statement:
So much of a pilot's life is compartmentalized, they are either at home or they are away, often far away. When they are away, it is easy to become inappropriately friendly with people who fall into the "not a stranger" category. Lots of cheaters draw the line at one night stands & strangers. But pilots travel away from home with comrads and collegues. So they have the opportunity without resorting to the stranger.
There are personality traits that are drawn to certain career fields. Pilots tend to have the traits simular to doctors and lawyers (& a few others I am sure). But those without those traits generally are not successful in those fields. Then once in those fields, the career tends to re-inforce those traits. Frankly, they are "more special" than Joe Sixpack and it is only a short leap to the entitlement mindset. Many will go there without cheating. This was explained to me by a marriage counseler in a very densly pilot popular community. She said she sees this every day. Even with troubled marriages that do not involve cheating.
This syndrome can also appear in careers that also have very high standards and rules to prevent this, such as the military officer. There are rules that will ruin their career if they get caught cheating. Doctors and lawyers who cheat with a client risk ending their career. This does not apply to airline pilots so they can act out without fear of losing their career. This has a has an effect on the percentage of pilots who cheat. No fear!
Then you have to add the factor that they can do it without much cost! The company is paying for the bed and hotel room. They have to take their meals in a restaurant and no one is going to catch them in a romantic dinner with a flight attendant half way across the globe. (or so they might think!) This doesn't apply nearly as much to the other career fields.
There may not be many out there but they ARE out there. I am talking about predatory females in the flight attendant career field. And every pilot is going to come across one eventually unless they fly boxes. It can just be a question of timing during the opportunity. Some pilots will never cheat no matter the opportunity. But the temptation and the opportunity is pretty unique to the pilot career.
Now some of you want to stick with the mantra that it isn't fair to broad brush all pilots as cheaters or potential cheaters. And if you need to feel that your pilot won't, well that is just fine with me. But if you recognize the issues, and the possibilities that apply to pilots, you might be able to prevent some future heartbreak. Travel with your pilot. Surprise him on a layover. Those are good and fun things to do for a marriage. It just might, maybe, prevent him from getting into the mindset that he can easily get away with cheating. AND he doesn't need to!
I just came out of a 2 yr relationship with a pilot. The reason was I found out he was married and had 3 children. He told me he had never been married and no children. I actually talked to his wife and she told me he had at least 11 other women in the last 5 yrs. When I confronted my pilot, he told me he wanted to tell me, but he knew I would leave him. Yes I would & I did. He even told me he was on dating sites as well.Geez what is wrong with these men? Do they think just because they are the big captain of the airways they have an image to keep up. He told me about other pilots that he worked with all shared stories about the other women.What are they trying to prove? They have no clue to the many lives they destroy and frankly if they did, I am not sure they would care. From what my ex told me , it is like a game to see how many women you can have in different cities.
ReplyDeleteflight attendants r the same and why not,bills to pay and hard work at home,fun and sex with friends from work in company paid hotel, drink like fish and party,never met a guy that worked on a airplane thar ever got tired of bragging about easy sex with the flight attendants married ones too.marry a air mattress and you get what you deserve, who wants to be at airport or hotel lobbie and stand next to a women a lot of guys she works with or their buddies slept with at the same hotel your standing next to her in the lobby and then she introduces you to them, how messed up is that,one guy told me he likes to host hotel party in his room so if a women is to drunk to leave he can have her all the men and women just laughed thats so sad,just have a flight attendant for fun and move on to the next one or your wish you did,most r sky sluts only good for fun not love,
ReplyDeleteI agree with the earlier post that if somebody wants to chest they will no matter what. However the post right before mine I take offense to. I'm a flight attendant And not all flight attendants are the way she described. I believe it's the lifestyle and the reason a lot of flight attendants And pilots end up together is because we get the lifestyle, the hours , the home away for holidays the whole life. Many firefighters and police date nurses and it's the same thing. The lifestyle is hard to understand and sometimes it's easier to be with someone that just gets it.
ReplyDeleteWhat a joke. Don't cheat PERIOD! Date or marry someone in the industry if it's a problem for you then--instead of cheating with someone. Sounds like rationalization and a lousy excuse. But people can find a way to justify anything to make themselves feel better about doing something they wouldn't want done to them.
DeleteInteresting. An old girlfriend of mine and I were just catching via the chat connection on Words with Friends. Her Air Force fighter pilot, father of her 3 children cheated on her after being married about 10 years and they divorced shortly after. He cheated on his 2nd wife and they are now getting divorced. Fast forward 14 years later: my Air Force fighter pilot turned Delta pilot, father of our 3 daughters, soon-to-be ex-husband has been cheating on me but I didn't figure it out until a year ago. My friend and I fell in love with these guys in our early 20's before they had their egos. The fighter pilot lifestyle promotes an inflated ego. Any counselor will tell you that pilots in general have certain traits in common--traits that can lead to narcissism if not kept in check by the occasional look in the mirror and humility. These men evolved into cheaters. I am sorry to lose my flying benefits, but thrilled to gain my freedom from a cunning and charming abuser. Ladies, I hope your marriages and relationships with your pilots bring you a life-time of blessings. Be forewarned.
ReplyDeleteCan you post any advice for divorcing a pilot? I am in the exact same situation.
DeleteThank you.
My Delta airline pilot cheated with this old flight attendant who became quite a crazed woman. She called repeatedly even calling my daughter and ranting. My family is broken hearted and I had to get a restraining order plus a divorce. I think you have to be a sociopath to work as a flight attendant. They sleep with everything nd everyone...yuck to it all...old pilots and crazed old oversexed fight attendants
ReplyDeleteMarch 27th post wow your post is so accurate it's hard for men in general to be faithful let along when the opportunity is available so easily. It's like they want there cake and eat it to. Sad specially when there are kids involved. I have also been suspicious of my pilot to. I just wish they would be honest about what they want if you want to stray. Then stray but don't involve kids in a relationship you know you can't commit to because there the most affected.
ReplyDelete