Tuesday, 28 April 2009

The green eyed monster

Yesterday, an old colleague emailed to tell me that she'd been successful in her first round of Clomid, and was now 14 weeks pregnant. To be fair to her, she did acknowledge that this would be be difficult news for me to hear. And it was, very difficult. Particularly as my first round of Clomid did absolutely nothing except give me hot flashes and make me feel wacky.

Yet again, I find myself in the ridiculous position of being jealous of anyone who gets pregnant. The other day, another friend (male) announced his wife was pregnant on Facebook. I removed him as a friend immediately. Several other distant friends are pregnant too and I'm seriously considering removing them too so I'm not subjected to endless pregnancy pics/baby shower pics/new baby pics/pics of baby's first smile, baby's first bath, etc etc, ad infinitum. Do I sound bitter? Well, I suppose I am. Here we are, a very happy couple who are desperate to become parents, and everything seems to be against us.

The only good news on the fertility horizon is that I seem to be having regular cycles now, albeit 45 day ones! Research suggests these may or may not be ovulatory, so I have no idea if we could get pregnant or not. I haven't taken Clomid again since my first attempt. My doctor in the UK prescribed me double the dose for the next attempt but what with the move etc I just didn't feel I could cope with the extra hormones. This month was a possibility, but my husband will be away on a trip on the key days, so there's no point! That's another slight issue - my husband's new long-haul lifestyle means him being home at the right time is far from guaranteed.

Still, we'll persist, and hope for a miracle. On the job front I have an offer of some freelance work, which is great. I'm also facing a dilemma as a full-time job has come up that I'd be really suited to. I just don't think I want it! I want to be able to travel with my husband, be around for guests when they visit, etc, and generally not be so stressed out every day. Still, if I don't apply I'll feel like I've let myself and my husband down, as it's a great job. What should I do? Answers on a postcard, please...
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3 comments:

  1. Rachel28 April 2009 at 17:48

    I'm sure it is hard to see all these things going on around you when that's the one thing you desperatly want. You and your DH will be in my prayers. My very good friend is going through the same thing, hoping and praying for a miracle!
    As far as the job, it depends if you are the type that has to be doing something or would be content at home. My opinion, I would stay home, and do the freelance on the side. When I lived away from family, I didn't work and it was such a blessing. As you said, it freed me up to go on trips with my DH and to be a good host when family came to visit! Have a great day! :)

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  2. Anonymous29 April 2009 at 01:22

    I think you should take time out to get aquainted with your lifestyle, chill out and enjoy life. Who knows, maybe without the pressure of a high powered career, your body will find it's balance more easily?

    If you have the opportunity to do some freelance work, you can pick and choose your jobs and spend more quality time with your husband...

    Like you said, if financial hardship is not an issue, you may as well get more work life balance for a while. I'm sure other full time opportunities will present themselves in the future if this one came up so quickly!

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  3. Ex Wife to a Douchebag - disgusted by his white trash fiance2 May 2009 at 21:40

    I hope you don't remove me as a friend. Honestly, I get bored with all of the baby stories too. I have a distant friend I have known for years that sends me pics of her kids to "view." There are usually about 100 of them each email. Blech, I have never met her kids.

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