Sunday, 10 January 2010

Back into the lion's den

Some of you will remember this post, in which I unwittingly found myself attending a mother and baby group coffee morning.

As I was undergoing fertility treatment and was hormonally challenged (to put it mildly) at the time, it was a complete disaster. I ended up weeping uncontrollably in front of a group of complete strangers.

Well, the other day I faced my nemesis again, although crucially, this time willingly. There's a very active group of new and expectant mums here which meets once a week, and I decided it might be a good thing to make some new friends in a similar situation to me. I had hoped to do this via ante-natal classes, but finding group classes is proving tricky out here, so I figured a coffee group might be another good option.

The morning didn't start well. My husband was away, and as I drove to the venue I began to get horrible pains in my chest. I was extremely frightened, and when I parked up I found the pain was worse when I stood up, so I sat back in the car and tried to calm down. I rationalised that, as the pain was high up in my chest around my breastbone, it was most likely heartburn, something I've only had mildly in the past, but had read could be a problem at this stage of pregnancy. Eventually it eased off a little and I walked very slowly into the cafe and found the group.

Unfortunately there weren't any other expectant mums there this time - they were all new mums. Still, I sat down and the lady next to me suddenly said "I know you from somewhere..." As I was puzzling about it, she suddenly piped up, "Oh yes, I remember now. I was at that coffee morning at your compound....."

Horror flashbacks! Acute embarrassment. This woman has witnessed my worst ever public breakdown!

Luckily, she couldn't have been nicer. She congratulated me warmly, introduced me to her son who was in her tummy last time we met, and made me feel welcome. Once I sat down I owned up to my killer heartburn, and all the women present reassured me that that was what it was, and that I had nothing to worry about. One even gave me some Rennies to try to combat it. I was extremely grateful.

One of my friends at home told me a while ago, however, that you grow to both love and hate these sort of groups. Love the fact that you can get reassurance and advice, but hate the fact that they can also be exclusive and competitive. (Well MY baby sleeps through the night! Well MY baby can sit up now! Etc.) We'll just have to see how I find it.

It's certainly a miracle being on the inside of one of these groups now, rather than on the outside looking in. The outside is a cold, frightening and desperate place to be.

Other related news - I did my Glucose Tolerance Test yesterday, because my doctor thinks I'm at high risk of gestational diabetes due to my PCOS. It was pretty horrible. They give you a nasty sugary orange drink to drink after 12 hours fasting, then take four separate blood tests over three hours. Brilliant. I was so knackered by the experience I slept for three hours when I got home in the afternoon! Fingers crossed I pass it...


  1. Isnt if funny how groups of women can be either our biggest support or our worst nightmare? We have all gone through this in highschool, with this idea that when we graduate we will never face the 'clique' life again... but I too find myself facing it in one place or another. Either way, good luck on the test! I am thinking of you!

  2. Yes, I agree, sometimes it's like being back at school! I've noticed the same phenomenon with online groups, too... Sadly!! I wish sometimes that we could all just stop competing with each other for an hour or two.

  3. I have been to one "group" so far. Shishi snots... never again.

    I hope you pass the glucose test mama, I failed the damn thing!! =)

  4. Hello Cpt J's Wife! I passed the GTT! I am so relieved, it's nice not to worry about that on top of just generally being preggers...

  5. It is funny how groups of women behave sometimes. I'm glad you found a group who you feel more comfortable with. Good luck with your test!




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