Thursday, 24 March 2011

That old toad, work

I've had a couple of job interviews this week. I got one but turned it down (poor pay and conditions) but the other one is looking promising. I have a further assessment for it next week. Our son is 11 months old now, and I feel it's time to try to give a bit more time to my career, and put some more money in the family pot. But golly, it's a hard thing to get my head around.

The irony is, when I was in the depths of post-natal depression, all I wanted to do was get back to work. It was all about regaining control, I think. My job was something I was good at; from my perspective, motherhood was not. It was also about being able to be an individual, something that I felt I would never be able to be again. I desperately wanted to be like my husband, striding out of the door in uniform off to perform a useful function for society. Now, of course, I realise I AM performing a useful function - what could be more useful than bringing up our son?! And the idea of separating myself from my son, even for a few hours, feels like torture.

Add to this the usual childcare challenge of being married to a pilot. Unlike an "ordinary" family, I can't rely on my husband to be able to get our son up or put him to bed every day, because he's often away, sometimes at very short notice. On the plus side, he's often here for long periods of time - but not within any set pattern. How do you fit a job into that? I have no idea. So far I've been doing very occasional work from home when he's been around. But these jobs I've been for this week require me to find some sort of daycare for my son. I'm just not ready to put him in nursery yet - we have decided to send him there in September. In the meantime, my friend had previously offered to step in and look after him occasionally, but today she told me that she'd changed her mind. The only other option here really is to get a full-time live in nanny, something neither my husband nor I want to do. It's a huge move having someone live with you. Yes, it would allow me to go back to my previous career and work all kinds of wacky shifts, but it would also mean giving up our privacy and allowing someone else to play a huge part in bringing up our son.

What to do? I have NO idea.

1 comment:

  1. I read your post nodding my head, we are in the same boat. I actually left my field and am working as a substitute teacher very sporadically more to get out of the house than for income. Our son is almost four now. It was hell finding a daycare that met our standards, to top it off when we found a babysitter that would work with us, because my husband refuses to send our son to daycare on days he is home (he said he does not get enough time with him as is why would he send him away)son picked up every cold, ear infection and bug there was and I ended up with a sick kid most of the time. I really really struggled with not working for the 1st two and a half years it was killing me to not have a career to be at home, I just now have learned to enjoy it(I still feel the occasional guilt about the money I spent on my Masters degree which I finished 4 month after son was born and am not using). It took a lot of souls searching and trials and errors. I wish you luck, in whatever you decide know that you are not alone and that you will ultimately make the best decision for your family. Good luck ;0)




Relationship Blogs - BlogCatalog Blog Directory