A conspiracy of silence?

I've been thinking a lot about the nasty dose of baby blues I got after the birth of our son, which is now thankfully fading to just a memory. Certainly it was partially hormonal, but also I think the result of lots of different things altogether - the shock and awe of becoming a mother, being unable to breastfeed initially and worrying about it, lack of sleep, and being far from home and friends and family. Not really a surprise, then, that I felt so rubbish.

What really gets me though is that no-one tells you this is how you're likely to feel! There's so much focus on the pregnancy and birth, and not on the first months afterwards, which arguably are much more of a challenge. I think perhaps it's collective amnesia; once you've got past that stage yourself you wilfully forget it, happy to put it behind you. Plus, why would you tell a first time mum this - it will only make her worry! Still, I've been very struck by how many mums have shared their experiences of their first few weeks with me, and how similar they are to mine. It's true of course that no amount of explaining can describe how it feels, so perhaps that's it. You've just got to find your own way.

Thankfully now things are falling into place for us. I love our son with an incredible passion, and know we are immensely lucky to have him. I'm out and about most days with him, meeting other mums and having precious family time when my husband is home. My body's healing, and I'm breastfeeding without a problem now.

Oh, and we're heading back to the UK for a break soon. I can't wait. It will be so wonderful to introduce our son to everyone! We're very proud parents...

Bump - the first month

Our beautiful son is now just over a month old. I realise weeks have gone by since my last blog post, but I have to say this parenting lark is taking up a great deal of my time! Just finding time to shower and clean-up the house if tricky enough, let alone writing an email or two or, God forbid, blogging!

Having said that though, we've come a long way since he was born. As I mentioned in my last post, I really struggled with breastfeeding, and it really upset me. It was something I was determined to do, and there was very little support here from the hospital staff, who basically just said that if I couldn't breast feed him, I'd have to give him formula, and that was that. Not what I wanted to hear! Luckily a combination of a British midwife out here, my husband's support and some bloody minded determination (plus our son getting significantly stronger) won the day, and I'm now managing to feed him myself almost exclusively. I am incredibly relieved, but it was a battle that took a lot of energy out of me, particularly at a time when I needed all my energy to adjust to new motherhood.

I was suffering from a nasty case of the baby blues until recently. I can only describe it as PMT on steroids. I really felt like I was losing my mind at times. In was incredibly hard, not just for me but for my husband too, who ended up dealing with a tearful me on a daily basis. Thankfully the dark cloud seems to have lifted now - and about time.

I'm determined to enjoy our son, who is simply incredible. I stare at him sometimes, just amazed he's ours.

News-wise, we've managed to beat the bureaucracy over here and now have a British passport and residence visa for our son, which means we can head home to the UK in July to introduce him to our families. We are quite nervous about travelling with him for the first time on a plane, but I've been getting tips from lots of other families out here. Fingers crossed he's a good flyer!

Introducing.... Bump!

Our beautiful son is now a week old. Nothing can describe how we've been feeling for the last seven days - our lives have changed completely, but in a fantastic way.

The C-section itself was straightforward and my husband was able to be in with me in the operating theatre throughout, something which is extremely unusual in Middle Eastern society. We are tremendously grateful to our doctor who pushed to allow my husband to be included; I really couldn't have done it without his support. And for both of us, the moment when they lifted him out and dangled him (by his legs!) over the curtain to meet us will stay with us forever.

I was discharged from hospital after three days - we couldn't get out fast enough - and have spent the last few days in a daze trying to figure out this parenting lark. We're sleep deprived and tremendously nervous parents, but we're getting there I think. I've found breastfeeding a challenge, but am persisting with it. Just my first of many challenges on the road of motherhood, I suspect!

Four days and counting

We have just four days left to go before the C-section. I can't believe it's so soon. We are excited, petrified, full of awe... It feels completely unreal.

My husband is currently on his way across the Atlantic, due back on Friday night. That gives us a day here together on Saturday before the big day! I've been praying he makes it back on time. I must admit the volcanic ash cloud that has been hovering over Europe has made me nervous about him going away, despite the fact his airline has simply swapped to more southerly routes to avoid it completely. You just *never* know with these things, and it would be just our luck that he'd be stuck in the USA just when he really, really needs to be here! So, God willing he'll be back with me on Friday night. Please, please, please..

Oh, and while I'm at it, I've also been praying that Bump doesn't fancy popping out before then, too. I'm actually staying with a friend tonight and tomorrow just in case I need to make a mad dash to the hospital. So far, though, I've had no obvious Braxton Hicks and no early labour symptoms that I'm aware of, so fingers crossed it will be fine.

On the subject of the volcanic ash cloud - am I the only one to find it slightly unnerving that all of a sudden, the closure of UK airspace was lifted completely, with no significant change in the density of the ash? It's like the government and the CAA just suddenly decided it wasn't a risk anymore. I know that they've been saying they needed time to collate data from test flights, etc, etc, but part of me feels it can't really be THAT safe to be flying in volcanic ash, even if it's relatively thin... I just hope they're right, I really do.

On the plus side, the announcement might have come in the nick of time for already cash-strapped European airlines who are close to folding. I don't want to name airlines on here, but there are several that are struggling pretty badly, and I feel for all of the crew and their families, and pray we don't get another high-profile airline collapse very soon. This week's delays will have caused them tremendous financial pain, that's for certain. Money many airlines simply don't have. So, hurrah for being able to fly again!

I have a feeling this will probably be my last post before the C-section, so I'll sign off for now, and will be back when we are Mummy and Daddy!

Can't believe I just got to type that...